There are just too many factors, nuances, and subtleties to a relationship. Even the brightest and most insightful of us screw them up with remarkable frequency.
We all need to form intimate bonds with others, so why are they so darned difficult to establish and maintain? Casual relationships seem simple. A smile. A nod. A friendly greeting. These gestures make social interaction pleasurable. As we make friends, our interactions become more meaningful. We share opinions and experiences; and as the relationship grows, we fall in love. The stakes get higher—a lifetime of happiness hangs in the balance.
While forming relationships should be natural, it takes a lifetime of learning and experience to get it right. Most of us never completely succeed. As newborns, we are little more than a blob of needs—to be fed, changed, held, kept warm. Slowly, the months turn to years, and we integrate social and familial roles into our personalities. We learn to communicate. And as soon as we completely captivate our parents, we look beyond them for additional gratification. Grandparents. Siblings. Friends.
During adolescence, we begin to strike out beyond the confines of family and experiment with our own identities. In our efforts to become more independent, we rely on our friends for self-definition, companionship, and understanding of the world. Participating in family life becomes embarrassing. Good-bye kisses in front of school come to a halt. We move forward in awkward fits and spurts. Our emotions are raw and transparent, and our relationships are intense and volatile. We discover our sexual selves, opening a world of incredible energy and insecurity.
The years tick by quickly, and by adulthood, the intensity of adolescence is something most of us are happy to leave behind. We gained experience in friendships and romance. We feel comfortable with ourselves, and we now look to the future for a relationship that will last a lifetime.
Finding the right person to form this relationship is no small feat. While some people become addicted to romantic love— with its obsessiveness, idealism, and sexual tensions—most of us realize that the passionate romance of a new relationship cannot be sustained over the years. Romance allows us to initiate our lifelong relationship, but it is not the quality that enables it to endure. For that, we must rely upon commitment and intimacy, with which we create a relationship that is strong enough to withstand life’s trials, yet flexible enough to delight us with its surprises. Before we go any further, let’s take a moment to assess your current relationship.
TEST YOURSELF
Instructions
Psychologists have been measuring romance for almost four decades now—with some success. This next quiz was designed by one of the leading researchers in romance. Dr Ellen Berscheid and her colleagues have developed a great little test here to measure the push-pull of your romantic relationship.
The test consists of thirty-one statements about “X” where X is that mysterious someone special in your life. All you have to do is circle the number that best represents how much you agree with each statement. See HERE for the 'scorecard'.
Are You Insecure In Your Relationship?
In each question, the term “X” refers to your partner, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. Make a note of the number that best represents how much you agree or disagree with each statement:
PLEASE NOTE: use this scoring system for ALL Questions EXCEPT 6, 8, 10, 17, 25, 29 and 30.
- Strongly Disagree = 1
- Moderately Disagree = 2
- Slightly Disagree = 3
- Slightly Agree = 4
- Moderately Agree = 5
- Strongly Agree = 6
And use THIS scoring system for [*] Questions 6, 8, 10, 17, 25, 29 and 30.
- Strongly Disagree = 6
- Moderately Disagree = 5
- Slightly Disagree = 4
- Slightly Agree = 3
- Moderately Agree = 2
- Strongly Agree = 1
THE QUESTIONS
- X’s presence makes any activity more enjoyable.
- X is close to my ideal person.
- I am very lucky to be involved in a relationship with X.
- I find myself wanting X when we’re not together.
- My relationship with X has given my life more direction and purpose.
- I spend more time thinking about my career than I do about X.**
- I’d be extremely depressed for a long time if my relationship with X were to end.
- If I couldn’t have X, I’d easily find someone to replace X.**
- My relationship with X has made my life worthwhile.
- I don’t really need X.**
- I want X.
- I am very dependent upon X.
- I feel very proud to know X.
- I want X to confide mostly in me.
- I spend a great deal of time thinking about X.
- I want X to tell me “I love you.”
- I feel very secure in my relationship with X.**
- X is a rather mysterious person.
- I often wonder how much X really cares for me.
- Sometimes, I wish I didn’t care so much for X.
- I worry that X doesn’t care as much for me as I do for X.
- I have great difficulty trying to figure out X.
- I have imagined conversations I would have with X.
- I try to plan out what I want to say before talking to X.
- X pays enough attention to me.**
- I feel uneasy if X is making friends with someone of the opposite sex.
- I need X more than X needs me.
- X has been the cause of some of my worst depressions.
- My relationship with X is stable and quietly satisfying.**
- There is little conflict between X and myself.**
- I worry about losing X’s affection.
Scoring Your Test
This clever test has two parts: dependency and insecurity. One will measure your relationship strength, the other looks for a killer.
To find your scores, simply add the numbers you circled in each of the following questions:
- Your Relationship Dependency Score _____ (questions 1 to 16)
- Your Relationship Insecurity Score _____ (questions 17 to 31)
Understanding Your Score
RELATIONSHIP DEPENDENCY
Your Score: 51 or less - 15% = Frail
Your Score: 61 - 30% = Flimsy
Your Score: 71 – 50% = Firm
Your Score: 81 - 70% = Fantastic
Your Score: 91 or more 85% = Fanatical
WHAT DOES YOUR SCORE MEAN?
Dependency Score of less than 61—Like a Rolling Stone
Your relationship is somewhat fragile in that you do not necessarily look to your partner to fulfill emotional needs. You are an autonomous, free-spirited independent collaborator in yourfriendship. Perhaps your relationship is newly budding, or perhaps dying on the vine, but based on your answers, you do not need your partner in the traditional sense of couplehood.Dependency Score of 61 to 80—Loves Me Like a Rock
Doing well! You have the bonding thing going in the conventional manner. Your score is just about average for young adults in the United States. You have a healthy balance between being needy and being an independent person. Check out your insecurity score as well, as this will help sway the success of your relationship.Dependency Score of more than 80—Solid as a Rock
Hot dog! Fairy tales do come true. You love to share your life with your partner. You get that special warm, gooey feeling whenever you think of your other half. If your security score is 30 or higher—congratulations, you have hit the romance jackpot.Understanding Your Score
RELATIONSHIP INSECURITY
Your Score: 17 or less - 15% = Tranquility
Your Score: 28 - 30% = Serenity
Your Score: 38 - 50% = Security
Your Score: 48 - 70% = Trepidation
Your Score: 57 or more - 85% = Anxiety
WHAT DOES YOUR SCORE MEAN?
Insecurity Score of less than 28—Warm and Fuzzy
Great job! You have a very healthy level of security. Your relationship is one of trust and respect. You are probably married or in a long-term, exclusive relationship. You don’t spend time worrying about your partner’s devotion, as you both enjoy the warm, fuzzy blanket of a committed relationship.Insecurity Score of less than 28—Warm and Fuzzy
Insecurity Score of 28 to 48—Shared Warmth
Very good. Your feelings of security are about average for younger American couples. At times you wonder about your love, but your romance tends to stay on track. The success of your relationship will also depend greatly on your dependency score. For example, if you got a high dependency score, you and your partner need each other to share this warmth. However, a low dependency score indicates your level of commitment might leave you cold.
Insecurity Score of Over 48—Left Out in the Cold?
Your relationship is in trouble. You spend far too much time worrying whether your partner truly cares for you. Begin an open dialogue, get these issues discussed out in the open. Have your partner take this test. If both of you score high on the dependent sections, your relationship has potential, you just need more assurance of love. If your dependency scores are low, your relationship may be based on factors like physical attractiveness, sex, and convenience. If you both want this relationship to work, roll up your sleeves, as it is going to take an effort.Now we’ve seen the importance of reliance and security. Why is it that strong relationships elude so many of us? What is it that makes successful, long-term relationships so difficult?
Taken from Are You Crazy? - 18 Scientific Quizzes To Test Yourself By Andrew N. Williams [2008]
In my opinion, when I had a girlfriend before, I never felt insecure about her. I truly trust her because what I know about her, she’s very kind, she’s also a loyal person with her boyfriend before. During our relationship, even sometimes we get some conflict, it always solve-well, we know our fault, and we usually try to fix our problem and attempt not to do that again. Even though we dispute the same topic like before, we realize it and try not to do that again. Hahaha. I never forbid her to do something or to go something, what she wants, she just asks me, and I said “okay” as if they still proper when they ask me. But when she asks something weird like “is it okay, if I drink alcohol?” what I said just “if you drink normally it will be okay, but more than that, you must deal with all of the risks after it.” I said like that, not because I do not care about her, I do not love her, but she’s mature enough to think something like that. And in my opinion, I don’t have any duty to forbid her to do something because I’m not her husband, I just her boyfriend. Thus, in my conclusion, I would say that mutual trust is such an important thing in our relationship, If you trust her and she trusts you, you will never feel insecure again and it will be a good relationship.
ReplyDeleteWell I’ve never actually been in a relationship before, I know right…, but I know when it feels of getting your heart pumped up when you see the ones you like (or love whatever you want to call it). Since I’ve never been in one before, that feeling always made me not who I am used to as a normal person such as being nervous, and like I said before about getting pumped up in a weird kind of way, even the first letter that comes out of my mouth when I talked to her wasn’t clear enough for her to hear. But in my life, I did get rejected because she already picked someone else that she’s comfortable with. All that aside, when I saw her after the rejection, I don’t know why but my feelings still want to be with her, it still choses her, with all of that rejection of me but still care for her puts me in a misunderstanding of me being stupid or does care a lot but still in the level of stupidity. Those feelings still came through.
ReplyDeleteFrom my past experience, I never felt insecure with my relationship. For me, with the appearance of insecurity, it means that the relationship is not healthy anymore. To get a healthy relationship, we need to have trust. Trust is the key to having a really healthy relationship. In every relationship that i've done, I would always put 100% trust. For me, if i put 100% trust towards the girl, then automatically she will also give me 100% trust. Trust can be in a form of many things. Insecurities usually appear when one person in the relationship started to become paranoid of things. For example, when you go abroad for studies, one would always become suspicious over our new surroundings. Just that, it will make the whole relationship broken. People sometimes falsely define caring. Most people think that by being overprotective is being a caring person. At a certain point, caring can also be respecting the personal space that one should have.
ReplyDeleteHaving insecurities is not only about not trusting him/her to be loyal, patient, etc. I think to not have insecurities first you must trust yourself, you have to believe that what you are is enough to make them happy, you have to realize that you are the one that he/she wants not anyone else. Of course insecurities come from not having trust issues, but it's not them that you don't trust, it's you, you don't trust yourself. We need to stop comparing ourselves to other people, you are you and that's your power. If you start doubting yourself that's when the problem starts. You start to think the worst of yourself and being paranoid over the little-est things in your relationship, blaming him/her for everything that happened when infact, it's you that is the problem. I believe the term you gotta love yourself first before letting anyone else love you. If you yourself can't love you, how can you expect anyone to feel the same?
ReplyDeleteI feel like every single one of us have insecurities that we are not proud of. Not only in relationship but our own insecurities will certainly affect our behavior. For instance, when someone feels insecure about his or her physical appearance he or she would do their best to cover it up or “fix” it. In my opinion, dealing with our insecurities is quite challenging because we essentially have to battle through our self-doubt.
ReplyDeleteIn a relationship I think that there must be insecurities that are felt by both individuals involved. In my opinion a lot of the insecurities are felt during the first stage or first few months of the relationship when trust is being questioned by both individuals. During this time, they usually start over reacting at things the significant other does and start doubting his or her trust. For that, we must really depend on trust when we are creating a relationship that is strong enough to withstand life’s trail. And also it is important for us to battle through our insecurities.
What i think about insecurities in relationship is a very normal thing that we face in most relationship. No matter how the couples are saying that they are very loyal to each other there must be a period of time where they feel insecure to each other.I've experience insecure in relationship most of the time. I have this experience because most of my relationship in senior highschool are most long distance relationship. This is because my highschool is a boarding school where girls in my school are mostly taken in the sophomore year and lasted until the senior year. This problem cause conflicts to the boys where there are no anymore markets when it comes to girls and this cause boys to have relationships between girls in other school. What i think that must be preserved to make a healthy relationship without insecurities is that we need to have trust on each other. Trust is one of the most important thing when it comes to long distance relationship to avoid insecurities in relationship. The second thing that i truly believe to solve insecurities in relationship is that couple must have a good communication in everything. It is a must for each other to at least tell their partners what are they doing at the moment and with whom are they doing it. This condition makes the relationship more healthy and this can build a trust balance between each other.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, Dhika, girls aren't goods to sell on the market and when they're in a relationship with someone doesn't mean we’re ‘sold out’. Feminist remark right there. But nevertheless, I do agree in your opinion of building trust within a relationship. I guess trust is one of the key to a successful, and as Dhika says, healthy, relationship whether your partner is always beside or a thousand miles away from you. I’ve also experience past relationships where the core problem was me always doubting of his feeling of me, and never actually having confidence in our relationship. It gets to the point that it was toxic, and he had to remind myself everyday of my self-worth. But I’ve lived way past that and learn that you actually have to be confident in a relationship. Insecurities usually come from within yourself, your own mind messing with you. Try to communicate your feelings to one another and sort things out between you two. I believe that love is about encouraging one another, it's not always about relying to your partner all time in every situation. I heard this saying “Love yourself first before you love someone else”. And until now, I try to live by that words.
DeleteI often hear my best friends tell me stories about how insecure their boyfriends make them feel. It is mostly something like they are not pretty enough and comparing them to the girls that surround their boyfriends. Their boyfriends often tell them to wear certain clothes only to achieve the standards they made. When my best friends tell me stories like this, I feel really sad. I honestly think it is very stupid and discouraging. Insecurity is not something to be taken so easily because it is very personal, and it is not something to make fun of. To feel insecure is to lack confidence in one’s self. If your spouse is feeling insecure, I think it’s your job to help him/her to boost their confidence and love themselves. Based on the article I read, insecure people are really kind at heart, but they just don’t love themselves, and they don’t know their worth. It may not take a long time to love other things, but to put it the hard way, sometimes it takes a lifetime to love yourself.
ReplyDeleteEverybody has their own weakness or something that makes them feel like they are not enough or imperfect. One of the main reason that I strongly believe is causing this is insecurity. Being insecure means feeling scared and anxious about something or even about yourself. Feeling insecure can be really awful, especially when it comes to a relationship. Eventhough there are some insecurities that are actually normal, but the other can make you wonder if something wrong is going on with you.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, it is totally fine and normal to feel insecure. Every human being wonders if they are okay. No matter who the people is, how attractive our looks, or how much money we have, I think every human wants to be liked and accepted, especially to be liked by someone we are attracted to, and for me, this kind of feeling is just completely normal and acceptable.
I think it is natural to have some initial anxieties about a relationship, especially when it is a new relationship. The best thing you can do to control your inner anxieties in a relationship is to talk to your partner. Although it may seem odd to share, it will be worth it just to let your partner know about what you really feel, and maybe they can help you to get over it, because relationship is basically all about sharing and caring to each other.
ReplyDeleteHowever, the most important thing to do to avoid insecurities is to know your limits and stop feeling paranoid over nothing. Let’s just face it that all of us talk to people of the opposite sex and just because of that does not mean that there is more to the story. Avoid the desire to snoop through your partner’s phone, messages, or even mails, because this kind of habit can easily ruin your partner’s trust.
There are some points that I have to agree with regarding Vinsa’s point of view of insecurities in relationships. Vinsa had described that insecurities or being paranoid is totally fine. In fact, It is normal to have personal thoughts or discomfort when committing to a relationship. But, if such insecurities tend to occur often, it is probable that the relationship you’re having is not healthy. Insecurities happen often but it is not forever normal. It leads to overthink and could be a dangerous thing for someone’s mental health. Being honest to your partner may help, but it does not ensure the right understanding from your partner. Having the chance to tell the truth may be a relief but having different opinions may cause unwanted arguments between both parties involved in a relationship. Nevertheless, being positive and give less attention to the negative thoughts can erase insecurities. Being surrounded with positive and un-toxic people can also help.
DeleteInsecurities in relationships mostly arises when there is a lack of communication between the two people in the relationship. The most likely outcome of this is that the individuals concerned would resort to imagining and speculating what might be happening between them rather than actually talking about it. The assumptions and speculations made are usually not true, although there are some cases where the aforementioned assumptions are true but these situations are rare or it may be a case of misunderstanding a set of various information given.
ReplyDeleteAn obvious measure to prevent insecurities is to talk to your partner about it. This doesn't mean a confrontation but more of a short conversation. This way both sides can clear the air and proceed knowing all the baggage is unloaded. Its an action easier said than done, but if executed perfectly it could be of great help. Although I think its worth noting to not be too pushy about this topic. Bringing it up too often could backfire on your initial plan and make the situation a sort of a burden to bear for your partner.
Another solution is to understand the character of your partner. Understanding their moral boundaries helps us to not think too much into their every actions. It also helps spot out times when their feeling upset and so we could act on that knowledge quicker. To add to that, it could also help solve issues between each other since we understand how one would approach and react to a problem.
Overall, communication and understanding is the base of a good relationship, and insecurities are best faced head on.
Insecurities is something that exists within everyone. Insecurities is a potential obstacle, not just in a relationship but in a friendship, stepping out of your comfort zone, fulfilling your potential and becoming yourself. Even if it is a potential obstacle, you shouldn’t let it be an obstacle. It is natural to feel insecure when you’re in an early stage of a relationship but as your relationship grow more fonder, you should be able to feel less insecure and more comfortable being in that relationship. You shouldn’t let your insecurities bother your relationship because insecurities are there to remind you that no one is truly perfect. Everyone has flaw and something that they’re not proud of. If you keep feeling insecure after being in a relationship for months or even years. Are you even in the right relationship or even in a healthy one? Because if you were in one, you wouldn’t feel insecure after planting your trust into someone for a long time. Insecurities led you into jealousy and not trusting your significant other which makes the relationship unhealthy because trust is the number one priority in a relationship. In conclusion you could either let insecurities be an obstacle in your relationship or a reminder that you and your partner have flaws and no relationship is perfect or flawless.
ReplyDeleteI am an epitome of insecurity, and I am trying my best to combat the seemingly unhealthy state of mind that I have mostly been in. The inflamed sense of rejection that I often get just by casually hanging around with new people is something that has always bothered me, which hinders my confidence in meeting new people, let alone making new friends. I have always opted to have less friends, which makes me fond of being in a close-knit clique that is composed of people that share a lot of things in common with me as a person; quality over quantity. However, soon I realised that I could not solely depend on one particular circle of people to be in. This is where dilemma struck me. Therefore, I would force myself to fit in to new compatriots, just like a square peg in a round hole. People come and go, and that is inevitable. I can only hope that there are still good people out there wherever I go.
ReplyDeleteInsecure relationships. Everybody should have been in this situation in their life before. I also still experiencing this, as I’m undergoing a long distance relationship with my girlfriend in my hometown, in Semarang. Sometime I feel like I don’t trust my partner in Semarang, as I don’t always being there with her, accompanying her as she is going through her day. I know how it feels to have an insecure relationship. Being insecure is a common thing to experience, because we all have our own fears in life. For example, I’m afraid that my girlfriend is cheating on me with another man in Semarang, and she also worried about me, doing the same thing. In my opinion on how to overcome this feeling, is how to always be there for your loved ones. Being there for them is all they need, as if we don’t pay that much attention to them, they will feel that we already ignored them, and they probably going to find someone new that pays more attention to them better than us.
ReplyDeleteInsecurities hit me so many times at some points of my life. But from my experience in having a relationship with someone who’s very open minded with almost everything, I feel like, those insecurities were just a thoughts that should’ve not been there in your mind.
ReplyDeleteI’m currently having a relationship with someone whose mind is the same with mine. We always share about basically everything. Since the beginning of our relationship, we don’t really have something like “contract” or something like others have, so we’re just living in this “go with the flow” way. We also have the term that is given by my mother to not give “too much” in our relationship. She said that the love given to someone should not be 100%, and now, after several months we’ve had together, we really do understand what she meant. It’s that we can’t really lean on one person so much, moreover we still don’t know yet if he or she is our soul mate or not. By stating this, I mean these insecurities people have should just be thrown away, as it only leads to overthink that has no benefit at all.
In my opinion, insecurities are not not a really bad thing to have when it comes to relationship. In my experience, sometimes it makes me feel like I need to achieve more just to be “equal” as my partner. It’s not how you look, or with who do your partner socialize with, or even who the one who pays your meal. It’s more like about personality and achievement. It does not mean that I don’t like it when my partner achieve something but sometimes I just need to remind my self that I can do better than the present time and I wanted to be a better person. But I do realized that its just my ego. As a man, we want to be more superior than our partner. That is a fully perfect thing, but we need to understand that we do have flaws and we need someone to support us to make those flaws goes away or maybe try to cover it. So in my opinion, it’s not about how to get rid of those insecurities, it’s about how we manage it and make it to be a stepping stone so that we can be a better person.
ReplyDeleteInsecurities always a part of any relationship, it can comes because of a certain reason beside lack of trust between couple. Me as a person sometimes feel a little bit insecure towards my girlfriend, because I feel that I’m way too far from her and feel that I can’t take care of her the way that I used to and I’m afraid that she’ll find a replacement due to the fact that I can’t be there beside her. Yet she always reassured me that it is fine to feel a little bit insecure, because insecurities is the sign that you really love someone and don’t want to lose them. So insecurities not always bad it can also act as an indicator, if someone really meant something or maybe anything for you. Insecurities can be destructive towards a relationship but also can act as a way to strengthen the love you have, the process is arduous but sure it is worth it.
ReplyDeleteI honestly think that my relationship has always been within the boundaries of “being friends”. The farthest I can get to is having a romantic interest and nearly, just by a paper thin margin, having an actual romantic relationship, but well, I have several circumstances that prevent me to have one. About those girls that I had my interest in, especially this one that I managed to get close to, my insecurity towards her is probably a lot less than worrying that someone might break into my house and steal my video game console. If a relationship should be built upon the foundation of trust, I think that it is better to give more space to the person that we have a relationship with. Most relationship end up in a bitter way because they don’t trust each other, or rather, in my opinion, a piss poor way of funneling that insecurity. Insecurity should not be in control upon our relationships but instead, we have to control it. Having a trustful relationship with a little sprinkle of insecurity would be good I think. I also think that having insecurity is also a part of being attentive to loved ones, or those we have a relationship with. So, take it easy, keep the trust going on, and keep a little watch over them.
ReplyDeleteBeing in a relationship and to maintain it is an art that everybody has on their own. Each of us must have our own characteristics and ways that we consider good or bad in handling a relationship. As cliché as this may sound, I really believe that a relationship must be based on trust. Trust is the only thing you could hold onto especially when you are physically afar from your partner. One should not have control over the other, one should have trust in the other. A relationship also could not be based on fear of the other one. Right now, you might think of me as weird and wonder who would have based their relationship on fear? Well, I have got experience on it. I actually did not realize it at first, but as time goes, it becomes apparent that our relationship was a bunch of mere fear. I think it is very unhealthy for a relationship to be as said.
ReplyDeleteInsecurities are a normal part of every relationship. But, people often let insecurities dictate their realtioships rather than having more trust on their partner. This is prominent in long distance relationship. I have a friend who complains that her boyfriend is always insecure. He felt that my friend would actually leave him because she has a lot of guy friends, hence why that always had an argument about this topic. While it is true that by not knowing who your partner interacts with and where is she going at nights can cause the feeling of insecurities, and that’s normal. But, i think that the boyfriend should put his trust first rather than restricting his girlfriend, provided that he should knew her better than all of her guy friends. In short, confidence is important in driving away insecurities. But not too confident since you can actually neglect all the important things.
ReplyDeleteI feel that being insecure is part of human’s life. In a relationship, I think being insecure is not a hundred percent a bad thing. There are some positives and negatives when feeling insecure about a relationship, especially with someone you truly love. In my opinion, the feeling of insecure about your relationship with someone could actually mean you really love and need him/her to be part of your life. However, the bad of feeling insecure is that, people would usually start to lose the trust they’ve built and start being paranoid that the relationship will be broken. This is why trust and honesty are so essential in a relationship. When trust and honesty are gone, I would say that the relationship should no longer exist. Why? For instance, in an unhealthy relationship, some guy would prohibit his girlfriend to watch movies with her friends if most of her friends who are coming are guys. That’s not love and care. That’s being overprotective. And if a relationship will only add burden to your life, why bother to have a relationship after all?
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteWhen you’re in love with a person who has a memorable past with someone, it’s hard to not feel insecure. Especially if you are a sensitive person. Although there are some relationship insecurities that are totally normal, others can make you wonder if something is wrong with yourself. Insecurity in relationships is pretty common, and insecurities is never pleasant. Just don’t let your insecurities reach that extreme level. Confidence and trust in your partner have a lot to play in here and you have to communicate your feelings directly, so these insecurities will slowly go away over time. But there are times, or moments you couldn’t control, where something triggers them, and you wouldn’t able to help yourself get rid of that awful feeling. It can help by asking yourself some question to figure out what’s going on and trying to start figuring out how to fix it.
In relationship it is normal to feel insecure or unsafe it means we care about our partner and also, we feel that they are important to our life. Personally, I used to feel insecure of my relationship because of the long-distance relationship. On the other hand, feeling insecure means we want to keep the person we love is being with us all the times. Insecure can be because of a lot of things like when the person we love get along with someone we never meet before, when the person we love is telling that they did not like the environment they’re living in and also sometimes about their loyalty to us. How to feel secured with our relationship is believing our partner as the way they believe and trust us. The key of feeling secured is trusting our partner and never hesitated them to tell anything to us and also telling their feelings and also thoughts to us.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, feeling insecure in relationship is normal. But, don's surpass the normal line. What i'm trying to say is, feelig insecure is okay, as long as you don't give your partner too much pressure. Personally, i'm a person who always feeling insecure in my relationship right now. Even though my girlfriend is one hundred precents loyal to me. Sometimes feeling insecure can be caused by many factors. Mostly, it's because the person itself who cannot trust her partner. But, it is not always a bad thing. I always said to my friend who is very jealousy to his partner that jealosy is a manifestation of love, care, and it is like a symbol that you don't want to lose your partner. Once again, it's okay as long as it's still normal. Don't be too jealosy. Especially for those who are in a long distance relationship right now. Because one of the key of success in long distance relationship is trust. If you don't trust your partner in a long distance relationship, it can turn into a blame, than blame turn into a fight. I have an example. I have a friend of mine that always jealous with his girlfriend because she is close with one of her guy friend. But i think, it is still normal because they're never go to movie together, they never go out for dinner together. If they go to a movie, they always with their friends, so not just two of them. They also never called each other, i mean it is still normal. Everyone have to socialize not only with a friend that has same gender as her. Sometimes, my friend blame his girlfriend like "Are you cheating on me?". Then, they had a fight everytime he blamed her. Then, i told him that you cannot continue your relationship if you keep doing this. I said to him many times. Finally, he listened to me and never do that again, and his relationship continue until now. So, the point of this is that trust is important. Feeling insecure is normal, as long as it's normal.
ReplyDeleteI think when it comes to relationships, we tend to have this anxious and insecure feelings inside, afraid of not being good enough. But as a matter of fact, women are more sensitive than men. Maybe men also have these anxiety and insecure feelings, but I don’t think the feelings are stronger than what we (women) have. This is not a battle, I’m not trying to say one is more high-strung than the other, this is purely my opinion. I think a lot of the times, men are so inconsiderate. They often say unnecessary things that hurt, I know they don’t intend to do so, but it just happens. For instance, I remember vividly when one of my best friends cried because of his boyfriend, she told me he kept on pushing her to join a swimming club, because according to him, she was too short. I know he didn’t do that on purpose to hurt her or something like that but he just did, like I said before “it just happens”.
ReplyDeleteThis is why insecurity and anxiety even exist in the first place. I’m not blaming men, I’m blaming all the people (both men and women) who created all these impossible standards. Yes, I’m blaming the women who keep on comparing theirselves to one another, and disdain those who aren’t “qualified” enough to their standards. But above it all, it is normal to feel insecure, it is normal to have anxieties, because I believe everybody has their own insecurities, even all those people who look tough on the outside are actually soft on the inside. And it’s the purpose of having a significant other, they should make you feel worth it, they should make you feel secure, they should make you feel content. If you’re in a relationship, it’s important to remember that you have to be vocal with your own feelings, don’t try to put on a mask and act like everything is okay when it’s not. At least do something to make it better, instead of bawling your eyes out and do nothing. Also remember that at the end of the day, people change but the right ones will stay.
DeleteWhen you have fallen in love with someone who have a significant past with somebody else, it is difficult not to feel uncertain. Particularly if you are a touchy or sensitive individual. In spite of the fact that there are some common feeling of uncertainness in a relationship, there are also other feeling of uncertainness that make you think and wonder about if there is something odd or wrong with yourself. In my opinion, having this feeling of uncertainness is totally normal. To feel insecure is not a good feeling, but it is common to feel insecure when you are in a relationship. I believe that insecurities can disappear over time. I also think that you have to trust your partner and communicate with him/her about your feelings. Telling your partner about your feelings is the main key to a long lasting relationship in my opinion. Because if you don’t tell your partner about how you feel on certain things, your partner wouldn’t be able to understand you. You also have to be understanding towards your partner and willing to be a better person for your partner. Because if the two of you cannot be understanding and trust each other, then what’s the point of being together? So if you are insecure about things in your relationship, you have to tell that to your partner.
ReplyDeleteInsecurity is an inner feeling of being threatened and/or inadequate in some way. We’ve all felt it at one time or another. But while it’s quite normal to have feelings of self-doubt once in a while, chronic insecurity can sabotage your success in life and can be particularly damaging to your intimate relationships. To overcome this problem is to stop confusing imagination with reality, when you feel insecure, ask yourself what it is you are imagining. Think, 'Stuff I am making up in my head.' And try to distinguish between what you imagine and what is actually happening is a massive step toward self assurance. Sometime insecure feelings also could happen in a relationship when a person who already in relationship still has a memorable past with someone that hard to forget. For some people who wants to start a relationship or who already in a relationship, memorable past could be an obstacle in a relationship, to solve this problem you need to help your partner to forget their memorable past or to stop thinking about it.
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