Woman Versus Female - Which is the proper adjective?

Transcript: (you can read while listening - a good thing to do)

Which is the proper adjective?

First, we had Nancy Pelosi taking over as Speaker of the House, then Sarah Palin as the Republican vice presidential nominee, and now Hillary Clinton as the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee. So the question of word choice is rising again—Is Hillary Clinton the first female presidential nominee from a major party or the first woman nominee?

Sexism

Before I answer the question, I want to address a related issue, which is that sometimes it's sexist to point out people's sex because doing so implies that they aren't in their proper role. For example, saying someone is a male nurse or a female doctor wrongly implies that it's so unusual for men to be nurses or so unusual for women to be doctors that you have to make a big deal out of it. But, given that Hillary Clinton actually is the first woman to ever be a presumptive candidate for president of the United States from one of the two main parties, it’s not sexist to talk about it because it is, in fact, a big deal. It’s historic. It’s an important part of the story.

'Woman' as an Adjective

So then, what is the best way to talk about Hillary Clinton being a woman? The words woman and man are primarily nouns, and to say someone is a woman nominee is placing woman in an adjective position. I checked four different dictionaries, and two don't include woman as an adjective (1, 2), one does (3), and the fourth said that when woman is used in the adjective position it's actually an appositive noun and it’s in the process of becoming an adjective (4). So the dictionaries don't give us a clear, definitive answer.

The 'Man' Test

Testing the validity of the sentence by seeing how it sounds to substitute the word man for woman seems like a good way to see if the sentence makes sense. To me it sounds terribly awkward to say someone is the first man nominee. I imagine most of you would say He's the first male nominee, if the need arose.

So, even though some sources say it's grammatically correct to use woman as an adjective, my opinion is that you should say Hillary Clinton is the first female Democratic presidential nominee.

If for some reason the word female makes you uncomfortable, you can use woman as a noun, saying she is the first woman to be the party’s presidential nominee.

With a perfectly acceptable adjective like female available, I don't see any reason to push the word woman into the role. But what about female as a noun?

'Female' as a Noun

Now on the flip side, Liz from Austin, Texas, called in to say her pet peeve is when people refer to women as females—for example, when someone says, “I was chatting to some females.” To her, that sounds very scientific and awkward.

Merriam-Webster's Dictionary of English Usage notes that esteemed authors in the 1800s used female in this way. And those authors were women.

Jane Austen used the phrase "the females of the family" in Pride and Prejudice, for example, and Emily Brontë wrote "It opened into the house, where the females were already astir" in Wuthering Heights.

Yet even back in those times other people complained that using female in this way was demeaning (5), and I agree with Liz that it doesn't sound right today. Merriam-Webster's goes on to say that the neutral use of Austen and Brontë has faded away, and the most common use of the word female now as a noun is to refer to lower animals. For example, if you were studying apes, you could say something like, “The females formed a small group to defend against the attackers.” (6)

It's my recommendation that you use female as a noun only when you are speaking about animals or writing scientifically. When you are talking about female humans, the favored nouns are woman and women. Likewise, when you're talking about male humans, the favored nouns are man and men.

Taken from HERE. For details of the six references, see the original article.

See also: 6 Reasons You Should Stop Referring To Women As "Females" Right Now

Excerpt:

The word "female," in its primary usage, is an adjective. When you use "female" as a noun, the subject that you're referring to is erased.

For example:

"I talked to a female yesterday."

A female what? A female kangaroo? A female rock snake? The subject of the sentence is not clear.

"I talked to a female presidential candidate yesterday."

This sentence is now about a human being.

It should be noted, though, that using "female" as an adjective can take a sexist turn when used in a case that isn't notable. Referencing a "female firefighter," for example, is appropriate only when her being female is pertinent to the story; otherwise, she's just a firefighter. But if you're talking about the first woman to become a firefighter, saying "the first female firefighter" is acceptable because her gender is relevant.

See also: ‘Female’ Is an Adjective, Not a Noun

"(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman" 

~ Aretha Franklin (1942-2018)

Looking out on the morning rain

I used to feel so uninspired

And when I knew I had to face another day

Lord, it made me feel so tired

Before the day I met you, life was so unkind

But you're the key to my peace of mind

Chorus: 'Cause you make me feel

You make me feel

You make me feel like a natural woman

When my soul was in the lost and found

You came along, to claim it

I didn't know just what was wrong with me

'Til your kiss helped me name it

Now I'm no longer doubtful of what I'm living for

And if I make you happy I don't need to do more

[chorus]

Oh, baby, what you done to me?

You make me feel so good inside

And I just wanna be close to you

You make me feel so alive

[chorus]

How to make the perfect cup of tea

Best-selling author Professor Mark Miodownik reveals how to make the perfect cup of tea and the science might surprise you... His new book "Liquid: The Delightful and Dangerous Substances That Flow Through Our Lives" reveals the anarchic and life-saving liquids we live with. [BBC]

The first part of the listening material is taken from a BBC news programme. The second part is an audio rip of the YouTube clip below:

Can you shape your children's taste in music?

Many parents can't help but try to shape their children's taste in music. But is it an effort doomed to failure, or worse, will it make children hate the music their parents love, and love the music their parents hate?

It might be something like this. Great-grandparents like classical (Mahler), grandparents like jazz (Ellington), parents like rock (Queen), children may be ready to graduate from In the Night Garden to Gangnam Style.

Parents have an interest in finding some musical common ground with their children, if only for five-hour car journeys.

"Every father wants his son to follow his own football team," says Jeremy Summerly, a British conductor and lecturer at the Royal Academy of Music.

"And I imagine that every parent has some kind of innate desire to want their child to enjoy the same kind of music that they did."

But times change.

"The sort of music that was fashionable to the parent may have become distinctly unfashionable by the time the child is of the same age," says Summerly.

One parent who is navigating these reefs at the moment is Tom Hodgkinson, satirist and author of The Idle Parent. Hodgkinson is well aware of the risks in trying to shape a child's taste.

"There's an episode of The Simpsons in which Homer's in the car playing his 70s rock to the kids, and they just groan," says Hodgkinson.

But nonetheless he has tried, gently, to shape his children's' taste.

"For a while the four of us, my wife and I and the children, had piano lessons together. At the moment my son has got into the ukulele and he wanders around the house playing it. He's also in a band called Purple Inferno.

"Sometimes I'll be driving and I'll ask Arthur, my 12-year-old, if he knows the first two albums of The Red Hot Chili Peppers, and he'll download them and play them in the car," says Hodgkinson.

"The other day I heard him playing along to the bass line of God Save the Queen - the Sex Pistols version, not the national anthem - and I felt pleased. I thought, 'That's my boy,'" says Hodgkinson who played in a punk band at university.

The cellist Julian Lloyd Webber thinks that you can't impose your taste on your children but you can guide them, as he did with his own son David.

"You want to introduce your child to the things you believe are the best. When my son was eight years old I took him to see [the Russian cellist Mstislav] Rostropovich. That's a special thing to have seen and it will stay with David all his life," says Lloyd Webber.

In other homes, the musical influences are passed on less deliberately.

"I can't say that I ever tried to shape my children's taste in music or thought about doing so," says Jem Finer, artist and founder member of The Pogues.

He says his daughters, Ella and Kitty, had to live with whatever was being played in the house and deal with whatever musical instruments were lying around.

While Finer was playing Captain Beefheart, the blues, Greek, Irish, Spanish and Turkish music, Finer's wife, the artist Marcia Farquhar, was playing the girls Bernard Bresslaw's comic songs, Beethoven and - when their father wasn't around - the Pogues.

Clearly something rubbed off. Ella, 29, has just completed a doctorate in the voice in theatre and Kitty, 27, is an artist and songwriter.

But sometimes despite all the efforts of the parents there isn't much effect.

"Some children follow what their parents say and what their parents like. They enjoy living in the image of their parents, and other children do precisely the opposite," says Summerly.

"If the parent goes Mahler, the child will go Lady Gaga."

Employing a bit of "child psychology" might be an idea. Knowing the tendency of children to rebel, if you want them to like your music, perhaps you might consider banning it in the home, says Summerly.

"You might find that all of a sudden the child thirsts for the string quartets of Haydn and takes to listening to them in private."

It seems that the musical environment at home does not necessarily influence what a child grows up to enjoy.

"I grew up in a house where, predominantly, classical music was played. And I couldn't stand classical music," says Finer.

"I remember [Sergei Prokofiev's] Peter and the Wolf being bought for me as a child and having no interest in it whatsoever," says Finer.

"I could only respond to much more basic, primal music, like rock'n'roll, until my mind developed," says Finer.

But what happens when the effort to shape the child's taste actually works too well?

For those parents tempted to wean their children off the current playground hit in favour of late classical and early romantic music - Haydn, Mozart, Beethoven, Schubert, say - Summerly has a warning for you.

"You have to be very careful that if you introduce your child to that and they do follow you, they might alienate themselves from their friends at school.

"You could be stopping your children from growing up in a normal way with other children whose musical diet will be that of CBeebies," says Summerly.

Hodgkinson is well aware of the other problem that parents can find themselves in.

"I would kind of like to go see Metallica with my son but there's something terrible about dad and son being into the same band. It is my responsibility to hate it," says Hodgkinson.

Perhaps what Hodgkinson wants to guard against is a kind of arrested development.

"At the moment I am getting into medieval and baroque music. When I play it in the car my son just groans. Part of me feels that children ought to like different music from their parents," says Hodgkinson.

For most parents the desire to shape a child's taste is positive - emerging from the wish to share what they love.

Summerly believes that music can profoundly educate and guide our feelings.

"If a parent believes that music is first a mirror of the soul or secondly that it can actually encourage good behaviour or that it is a major part of educational development, then it stands to reason that the parent will try to foster the child's engagement with a particular kind of music," says Summerly.

Playing even the simplest musical instrument and playing together with other people is something that should be open to all.

"When I grew up... I was told I was tone deaf," says Finer, "so I wasn't even worth considering for any kind of music lessons."

Finer now plays the banjo, guitar, hurdy-gurdy, mandola, and saxophone.

Whatever parents do or don't do to shape their children's taste, they seem to find what they like. Perhaps all that parents need to do is to open the doors for children, introduce them, in Lloyd Webber's phrase, "to some of the greatest achievements of mankind" and let them explore at them their leisure.

"There are no mistakes, they will find their own taste anyway," says Lloyd Webber.

By Robin Banerji - BBC World Service. Taken from HERE.

Have your musical tastes been shaped by your parents' tastes or in spite of them?

Egypt's new breed of hijab-clad superheroine

By Dina Demrdash ~ BBC Arabic, Cairo



She's got comic strip superpowers, fights for justice and gives bad guys a hard time. If this makes you think of Catwoman, then think again - for this is a new kind of superheroine with a visible difference.

Meet Qahera - the hijab-wearing Egyptian comic-book character fighting back against crime and prejudice.

She is the brainchild of a young Egyptian artist who created the first ever Egyptian superhero in a web comic, and its picking up a growing fanbase.

"It all started as a joke with a group of friends," Deena Mohamed says.

"It was my way to respond in my own way to things that were frustrating me at the time," she laughs, "and when the idea of having superpowers was fascinating!"

But when Deena put the comic online a few months ago, she did not expect the scale of positive reactions.

Her website got hundreds of thousands of hits - more than 500,000 since September alone. Egypt is the top country of visitors to the site, followed by the US.

Deena also found enthusiasm among local publishers who asked her to create a printed version as well.

"It is insane. Way more exposure than I ever expected," the 19-year-old art student says.

Inevitably perhaps, the creation drew some negative reactions, mainly from people not convinced about adopting the Western concept of a superhero.

Deena, though, does not agree.

"We are all exposed to the idea of comics and superheroes. We are exposed to Western media so often. So I guess I was just responding to that in my own way."

Hijabi and strong

The name Qahera is the Arabic word for Egypt's capital, Cairo. It also means the conqueror or the vanquisher.



Deena says she had her superheroine with the all-powerful name wear a hijab to combat a widespread stereotype that women wearing the Islamic attire cannot be strong.

"There is already so little representation of women who wear the hijab, although that is the majority of women I see around me, and it did not make sense not to make her wear hijab," says Deena, who does not wear a hijab herself.

Hijab - the principle of modesty in Islam that includes manners of dress - is a religious obligation stipulated by the Koran, according to scholars at Al-Azhar, the highest seating of Sunni Islam.

Deena says she had her eye on a Western audience from the beginning, another reason why her character wears a hijab, and episodes are written in English.

"I wanted to send a message about the general Islamophobic backlash, and if I was going to address that, I needed to make a statement.

"Women who wear hijab usually bear the brunt of Islamophobia," she says.

One of her comics is tackling the Western misconceptions on submissive Muslim women.

"Look, it is a Muslim woman," says one of the characters in a story featuring Western feminists.

"Sister, take off your oppression!"

But the superheroine reacts angrily to their call.

"You have constantly undermined women. You seem unable to understand we do not need your help!"

Street harassment

In the past few years, sexual harassment of women on the streets of Egypt has become a growing phenomenon.

While most women are usually helpless in this situation, Qahera does something about it.

Deena created an entire episode about harassment, where Qahera dons her long black hijab and carries a sword as she chases down male abusers, and flies to fight wherever a woman is mistreated.

"Never bother another woman again!" Qahera warns a beaten-up culprit.

The past few decades saw a majority of Muslim women in Egypt adopt the attire. On the streets of Cairo, there are few women with their hair uncovered.

But the modest Islamic attire fails to protect women from being abused.

The United Nations Entity for Gender Equality and the Empowerment of Women said in a recent report that 99.3% of Egyptian women have experienced some form of sexual harassment, whether physical or verbal.

Deena says the theme is based on real experiences with street harassment. However she does not encourage women to react the way Qahera does.

"If you are not alone and have enough support around you, you can call them out. But otherwise, you can just ignore it. It is really a difficult situation, and some women have to deal with it almost every day."

'Tribute to women'

Deena's latest episode focuses on another issue that has been taking over the streets since the 2011 uprising - protests.

But she says it is less of a superhero comic and more of a tribute - to women who contributed to the revolution in so many ways.

"I remember at one point during the revolution, people would use statistics of attacks on women to discredit political movements - and Egyptians - at large. This keeps happening, consistently, both locally and internationally.

"People will abuse statistics as they see fit, but they will always ignore the women at the base of those statistics. So, politics and superpowers aside, here is my attempt at a tribute to real-life superheroes."

Taken from HERE.

A first-class essay? Yours for just £660

Business is booming for 'private tutors' who write university students’ essays for them.

Writing a university dissertation is, as every student knows, a labour of love. It requires long hours in the library, along with careful shaping and structuring of one’s material, plus countless litres of late-night black coffee. Or, alternatively, £300.

That’s if you’re only aiming for a 2:1, of course. If you’re really serious about academic success, you can pay £660 and get a First.

How? By hiring one of the growing number of companies that will supply anything from 1,000-word essays on the causes of the English Civil War to 10,000-word treatises on international marketing strategies. Not surprisingly, voices in academia are being raised in anger.

“Students who go down this path are cheating themselves,” says Jo Wynn, of the Quality Assurance Agency, which monitors standards in higher education.

“If we were to find someone using such a thing, our response would be ferocious,” says Professor Tom Ward, pro-vice-chancellor for academic affairs, at the University of East Anglia. “Not only would they not get their degree, they’d be kicked out. It is just so undermining of the whole system.”

Maybe so, but it’s pretty simple to do. Just go on the internet, type “essay writing”, and a host of firms will be clamouring to help with your coursework. “Where A Student’s Life Becomes Easier,” purrs the website UKBestEssays.com; less reassuring is its claim: “We provide piece of mind.”

Indeed, while these companies promise round-the-clock customer support and teams of 200 to 4,000 highly qualified essay-crafters, producing pieces of work that will pass all plagiarism tests, some appear to be more, well, questionable.

Question number one: are they in the UK? Not UKBestEssays. Despite a website showing Union Flags, the girl at the end of the phone says she’s in Delaware in the US. And when the rather distant-sounding man at Essaydom.co.uk is asked if I can visit his office, he says he can’t give me the address because I “might bring the police”.

“We all get tarred with the same brush,” complains Jilly Walden, quality manager at UKEssays.com, based at the same address (in Arnold, near Nottingham) as Degree Essays (www.degree-essays.com) and Law Teacher (www.lawteacher.net)

“Yet, unlike other companies, we are happy to publish our address, and we are happy for students to visit us; we have got academics in-house. Nor do we condone plagiarism. It’s made very clear to clients that we don’t supply essays; we give model answers around which they frame their ideas. We see it as no different to a lecturer pointing students towards a document in a library. As far as we know, 99.9 per cent of customers use our products correctly.”

But it’s hard to believe someone would pay £660 purely for a stimulating read. However, the founder of London-based Oxbridge Essays, Stratos Malamatinas, who says his firm (www.oxbridgeessays.com) gets 10,000-plus orders per year, stands by the ''it’s-just-a-framework’’ stance. “It’s made explicit to our customers that they should use our material merely as inspiration, and they should express themselves in their own words,” he declares.

“That said, 75 per cent of our customers are foreign students who, although talented, can’t express themselves as well in English as in their own language. British universities are happy to take their money, without checking their English. There’s a real greediness among British universities; students are left to struggle, and are forced to turn to a private company, rather than getting help that should be supplied by the university. It’s not just foreign students. Most UK students who come to us are profoundly unhappy with the tuition they get, [with] no formal instruction in the writing and structuring of essays.”

Especially when that essay is 90,000 words.

“I’m fine on research, and I can talk about the subject till the cows come home, but I need guidance in putting material together and expressing it in academic terms,” says Geoff (not his real name), who is doing a PhD in marketing at University College London, and is paying Oxbridge Essays to help him with his 400-page-plus thesis.

“They are writing the guideline, so to speak, and I am mimicking it in my own words. It’s going to take a couple of years and I’ll have paid them a five-figure sum, but it’s worth it. I am aware that some people do just take this kind of work and pass it off as their own – so I don’t want my real name in The Daily Telegraph, in case people think that’s what I’ve done.”

The same applies to “Dan”, a second-year student at Bristol University, who, in his first year, sought outside help with an essay on tragedy in Shakespeare. “I felt like I wasn’t getting much academic direction,” he says. “The number of students at lectures was enormous. I was getting no real feedback.” Instead of buying an essay off the internet, he turned to the tutorial agency Bright Young Things, which spent three and a half hours with him (at £60 an hour) planning his essay. Result? A 2:1 grade, but it was all his own work.
“We don’t write people’s essays, we merely teach them essay-production skills,” maintains Oliver Eccles, one of Bright Young Things’ senior tutors.

That’s not to say that tutors don’t get asked to do a bit of proxy essay-penning, though.

“I’ve had some difficult conversations with parents and students who want me to write the essay,” says Michelle Okin, who runs the tutorial agency Rose Okin (£40-£75 per hour). “But how are they going to stand on their own feet if they’ve always had the stabilisers on?”

It’s a powerful argument. Indeed, many would argue that the spread of tutoring in higher education was inevitable, considering how prevalent it has become in secondary and primary education. But the more immediate question for any student contemplating an essay purchase, is more likely to be – can I get away with it?

The answer is yes, if the work has been written by the kind of brilliant academic mind the websites claim to have on their books (Stratos Malamantinas says he has essay-writers who earn between £20,000 and £70,000 per year).

“If it truly is an original work, then it will get through the plagiarism-detection software,” says Will Murray, whose firm supplies Turnitin, the plagiarism checking system used by most UK universities. “But sometimes the writing has been outsourced to India, or America, and the grammar and expressions will reflect that. I’ve even seen cases where the student has left in the name of the person who actually wrote the essay.”

Ideally, prevention is better than detection. By inviting students to discuss essays, university tutors can monitor the sudden arrival of unfamiliar thoughts and ideas.

“My instinct is very much against the combative 'We don’t trust you’ approach,” says Professor Ward. “Rather than going for the Orwellian system, whereby we monitor our students’ internet traffic, I favour making them understand the only people being ripped off by these short cuts is them.”

Finally, there is always the worry that the immaculately written document you have bought is not as fresh as claimed, and may contain great chunks of pre-plagiarised text that will set off the digital detection sirens.

“So the question,” says Will Murray, “is how confident are you that the essay you are handing in, that has been written by someone you have never met, is 100 per cent original?”

LINK

Link to "In Praise of Plagiarism", an article defending plagiarism.

Are You Insecure In Your Relationship?

Can anything in life be more complex, infuriating, inviting, invigorating, or downright frustrating than human relationships? The time, effort, and compromise necessary to make a modest success of a single relationship makes you wonder if it is worth the bother. But then, you look into your loved one’s eyes and see the sun rising and setting in them. The very air they breathe is special. But then they do something incredibly thoughtless, frustrating, or exasperating, and you’re back to square one.

There are just too many factors, nuances, and subtleties to a relationship. Even the brightest and most insightful of us screw them up with remarkable frequency.

We all need to form intimate bonds with others, so why are they so darned difficult to establish and maintain? Casual relationships seem simple. A smile. A nod. A friendly greeting. These gestures make social interaction pleasurable. As we make friends, our interactions become more meaningful. We share opinions and experiences; and as the relationship grows, we fall in love. The stakes get higher—a lifetime of happiness hangs in the balance.

While forming relationships should be natural, it takes a lifetime of learning and experience to get it right. Most of us never completely succeed. As newborns, we are little more than a blob of needs—to be fed, changed, held, kept warm. Slowly, the months turn to years, and we integrate social and familial roles into our personalities. We learn to communicate. And as soon as we completely captivate our parents, we look beyond them for additional gratification. Grandparents. Siblings. Friends.

During adolescence, we begin to strike out beyond the confines of family and experiment with our own identities. In our efforts to become more independent, we rely on our friends for self-definition, companionship, and understanding of the world. Participating in family life becomes embarrassing. Good-bye kisses in front of school come to a halt. We move forward in awkward fits and spurts. Our emotions are raw and transparent, and our relationships are intense and volatile. We discover our sexual selves, opening a world of incredible energy and insecurity.

The years tick by quickly, and by adulthood, the intensity of adolescence is something most of us are happy to leave behind. We gained experience in friendships and romance. We feel comfortable with ourselves, and we now look to the future for a relationship that will last a lifetime.

Finding the right person to form this relationship is no small feat. While some people become addicted to romantic love— with its obsessiveness, idealism, and sexual tensions—most of us realize that the passionate romance of a new relationship cannot be sustained over the years. Romance allows us to initiate our lifelong relationship, but it is not the quality that enables it to endure. For that, we must rely upon commitment and intimacy, with which we create a relationship that is strong enough to withstand life’s trials, yet flexible enough to delight us with its surprises. Before we go any further, let’s take a moment to assess your current relationship.

TEST YOURSELF

Instructions

Psychologists have been measuring romance for almost four decades now—with some success. This next quiz was designed by one of the leading researchers in romance. Dr Ellen Berscheid and her colleagues have developed a great little test here to measure the push-pull of your romantic relationship.

The test consists of thirty-one statements about “X” where X is that mysterious someone special in your life. All you have to do is circle the number that best represents how much you agree with each statement. See HERE for the 'scorecard'.

Are You Insecure In Your Relationship?

In each question, the term “X” refers to your partner, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. Make a note of  the number that best represents how much you agree or disagree with each statement:

PLEASE NOTE: use this scoring system for ALL Questions EXCEPT 6, 8, 10, 17, 25, 29 and 30.

• Strongly Disagree = 1
• Moderately Disagree = 2
• Slightly Disagree = 3
• Slightly Agree = 4
• Moderately Agree = 5
• Strongly Agree = 6

And use THIS  scoring system for [*] Questions 6, 8, 10, 17, 25, 29 and 30.

• Strongly Disagree = 6
• Moderately Disagree = 5
• Slightly Disagree = 4
• Slightly Agree = 3
• Moderately Agree = 2
• Strongly Agree = 1

If you are confused, you will find the scores laid out as a table HERE.

THE QUESTIONS

1. X’s presence makes any activity more enjoyable.
2. X is close to my ideal person.
3. I am very lucky to be involved in a relationship with X.
4. I find myself wanting X when we’re not together.
5. My relationship with X has given my life more direction and purpose.
6. I spend more time thinking about my career than I do about X.**
7. I’d be extremely depressed for a long time if my relationship with X were to end.
8. If I couldn’t have X, I’d easily find someone to replace X.**
9. My relationship with X has made my life worthwhile.
10. I don’t really need X.**
11. I want X.
12. I am very dependent upon X.
13. I feel very proud to know X.
14. I want X to confide mostly in me.
15. I spend a great deal of time thinking about X.
16. I want X to tell me “I love you.”
17. I feel very secure in my relationship with X.**
18. X is a rather mysterious person.
19. I often wonder how much X really cares for me.
20. Sometimes, I wish I didn’t care so much for X.
21. I worry that X doesn’t care as much for me as I do for X.
22. I have great difficulty trying to figure out X.
23. I have imagined conversations I would have with X.
24. I try to plan out what I want to say before talking to X.
25. X pays enough attention to me.**
26. I feel uneasy if X is making friends with someone of the opposite sex.
27. I need X more than X needs me.
28. X has been the cause of some of my worst depressions.
29. My relationship with X is stable and quietly satisfying.**
30. There is little conflict between X and myself.**
31. I worry about losing X’s affection.

Scoring Your Test

This clever test has two parts: dependency and insecurity. One will measure your relationship strength, the other looks for a killer.

To find your scores, simply add the numbers you circled in each of the following questions:

• Your Relationship Dependency Score  _____  (questions 1 to 16)

• Your Relationship Insecurity Score  _____  (questions 17 to 31)

Understanding Your Score

RELATIONSHIP DEPENDENCY

Your Score: 51 or less -  15%  = Frail

Your Score: 61  - 30%  = Flimsy

Your Score: 71 – 50%  = Firm

Your Score: 81  - 70% =  Fantastic

Your Score: 91 or more  85% =  Fanatical

WHAT DOES YOUR SCORE MEAN?

Dependency Score of less than 61—Like a Rolling Stone

Your relationship is somewhat fragile in that you do not necessarily look to your partner to fulfill emotional needs. You are an autonomous, free-spirited independent collaborator in yourfriendship. Perhaps your relationship is newly budding, or perhaps dying on the vine, but based on your answers, you do not need your partner in the traditional sense of couplehood.

Dependency Score of 61 to 80—Loves Me Like a Rock

Doing well! You have the bonding thing going in the conventional manner. Your score is just about average for young adults in the United States. You have a healthy balance between being needy and being an independent person. Check out your insecurity score as well, as this will help sway the success of your relationship.

Dependency Score of more than 80—Solid as a Rock

Hot dog! Fairy tales do come true. You love to share your life with your partner. You get that special warm, gooey feeling whenever you think of your other half. If your security score is 30 or higher—congratulations, you have hit the romance jackpot.

Understanding Your Score

RELATIONSHIP INSECURITY

Your Score: 17 or less  - 15% =  Tranquility

Your Score: 28  - 30% =  Serenity

Your Score: 38  - 50% =  Security

Your Score: 48  - 70% =  Trepidation

Your Score: 57 or more  - 85% =  Anxiety 

WHAT DOES YOUR SCORE MEAN?

Insecurity Score of less than 28—Warm and Fuzzy

Great job! You have a very healthy level of security. Your relationship is one of trust and respect. You are probably married or in a long-term, exclusive relationship. You don’t spend time worrying about your partner’s devotion, as you both enjoy the warm, fuzzy blanket of a committed relationship.

Insecurity Score of 28 to 48—Shared Warmth
Very good. Your feelings of security are about average for younger American couples. At times you wonder about your love, but your romance tends to stay on track. The success of your relationship will also depend greatly on your dependency score. For example, if you got a high dependency score, you and your partner need each other to share this warmth. However, a low dependency score indicates your level of commitment might leave you cold.

Insecurity Score of Over 48—Left Out in the Cold?

Your relationship is in trouble. You spend far too much time worrying whether your partner truly cares for you. Begin an open dialogue, get these issues discussed out in the open. Have your partner take this test. If both of you score high on the dependent sections, your relationship has potential, you just need more assurance of love. If your dependency scores are low, your relationship may be based on factors like physical attractiveness, sex, and convenience. If you both want this relationship to work, roll up your sleeves, as it is going to take an effort.

Now we’ve seen the importance of reliance and security. Why is it that strong relationships elude so many of us? What is it that makes successful, long-term relationships so difficult? 

Taken from Are You Crazy? - 18 Scientific Quizzes To Test Yourself By Andrew N. Williams [2008]

Yogyakarta’s Next Sultan: When Feminism Meets Tradition

The Sultanate of Yogyakarta is a powerful political and spiritual royal family in Java. So powerful, it’s the only place in Indonesia where it’s residents don’t elect their leader. This privilege was given to the Yogyakarta Sultanate due to the role it played in fighting for Indonesian independence against the Dutch colonial rulers. While they are Muslim, the royal court’s rituals are steeped in mysticism – as part of their Hindu, Buddhist, and animist history. Their rule goes back 500 years.

But now they’ve got a new prospect to contend with: A female Sultana of Yogyakarta.

According to Wedono Bimo Guritno, a member of Yogyakarta’s Royal Court: “From generation to generation the sultan who reigns over Yogyakarta seems to adapt himself to the changing of times. In the past, it was not difficult to choose a prince, because, in the past, the sultan had more than one wife. But you know it’s always been women that hold the real power in Javanese households.”

The 72-year-old Sultan, Hamengkubuwono X, recently changed his own title so that it is gender neutral. He has also given his eldest daughter the new name of “Gusti Kanjeng Ratu Mangkubumi.” It means “The One Who Holds the Earth.” These moves were seen as an indication that she was being lined up to take over the throne after the current Sultan.

According to the princess: “As in all families, as the eldest, I have more responsibility than my sisters. But what the future holds, that decision is in the hands of my father. I have been raised not to dream about those things, or hold wishes beyond living a happy life now. There have been Queens in Aceh and in other Islam kingdoms, that’s all I need to say.”

The princess and her younger sister, Gusti Kanjeng Ratu Hayu, studied overseas and have come back to lead in various male-dominated positions within the court.

Gusti Kanjeng Ratu Hayu said: “I am very lucky to have parents that never said that is not a women’s job. It doesn’t sit well with some people but when the Sultan says so, you kind of have to go along with it. That’s the importance of a man saying that it’s not the time for women to stay back anymore.”

Though some aren’t happy with the perceived corruption of ancient traditions. The Sultan’s brothers and sisters have ostracised themselves from the Royal Court. One of them, GBPH Prabukusumo, laughs: “We are an Islamic royal family and the title is for a man. What would we call her, the ‘sultante?’ It’s impossible.”

People are also worried about what the Queen of the South Sea, Loro Kidul, and Sapu Jagat, God of Merapi, will make of having a queen on the throne.

Agus Suwanto, a palace tour guide, postulates: “What will happen if there are two queens? How can they be together? I am not sure that can happen.”

The ancient animist lore, combined with Islamic conservativism, is about as tough a glass ceiling as a would be female heir could possibly face. But so loved and powerful is the royal family, that public opinion is likely to go with what the Sultan says.

As for his wife, Queen Gusti Kanjeng Ratu Hemas, she is seen as the leader of the revolt against the male heir tradition. And she seems very prudent on the matter: “When my daughters were 15 years I told them they had to leave the palace, to get educated in the world, to bring back what they learned. There will always be conflict and power struggles at times of change.”

In times of change, perhaps a female heir to the Yogyakarta throne is exactly the matriarchal guidance required.

Taken from HERE. Thanks to Lima for the suggestion.

Smirk or Squirm Session 3

1. I’m looking forward to every changes that will bring me into a better person because my personal motto is live to learn and learn to live.
2. Speaking about attitudes, i don't have any special criteria that makes me stood out differently than the others
3. My another hobby is listening to music because of that I like to organize a music event.
4. My hobby is travelling and I ever went to several countries in Asia and some cities in Indonesia.
5. I can’t speak both Javanese and Sundanese, which is something that I’m not proud of.
6. I was born in Shiga prefecture, Japan about 20 years ago
7. After approximately one year, I able to speak Chinese quite good.

Ideas for expanding the English dimension in your life

More editions of The Big Idea HERE.

India wants to stop foreigners paying women to have babies

New legislation would lock foreigners out of the country's thriving but mostly unregulated fertility clinics, and limit surrogacy to Indian couples who have been married for more than five years and are unable to have children.

Even in these cases, a family member must serve as the surrogate.

Foreign minister Sushma Swaraj told reporters Wednesday that the proposed law would stop foreigners and gay couples hiring Indian surrogates.

She said there were too many instances of people abusing surrogacy, including couples who had abandoned unwanted children or babies born with disabilities.

India is a top destination for foreign medical tourists seeking surrogates -- often at very cheap prices. According to Swaraj, there are more than 2,000 fertility clinics currently operating in the country.

Critics say Indian women hired as surrogates are frequently abused, and they describe disreputable clinics as "rent-a-womb" operations. Last year, lawyer Jayashree Wad asked India's Supreme Court to ban commercial surrogacy, saying the practice amounts "to exploitation of women for commercial gains."

"In the process of surrogate motherhood, a commercial element is introduced and Indian women are exploited and substantial benefit is derived by doctors, hospitals and institutions involved in it," Wad told the court.

According to the medical journal The Lancet, having a child through surrogacy in India costs roughly $25,000, while the same service can cost up to 10 times as much in the United States.

Indian women hired as surrogate mothers are typically paid $5,000 to $7,000, while their counterparts in the U.S. command up to $25,000. Still, The Lancet notes that this is an "enormous sum" for poor Indian women who might make $300 in a typical year.

Advocates, meanwhile, said the government's decision to ban certain groups from fertility services, rather than implement better regulations, marked a "black day."

"This was a great industry. It has benefited thousands of couples," said Dr. Rita Bakshi, founder of International Fertility Centre and the director of a pro-surrogacy NGO. "If people can come to India for cataract or heart surgery, then what's wrong with this?"

The draft law has been approved by India's cabinet, and is expected to be debated in parliament later this year.

Taken from HERE.

More on this topic from CNN HERE.

And a video clip of a news item from 2013:

If this video does not play, you can find it HERE

Negotiating with Russians and Americans

Russians

• It is said that Russians are great “sitters” during negotiations. Traditionally, Russians regard compromise as a sign of weakness. Some even see compromise as morally incorrect. Russians would rather out-sit the other negotiator—and gain more concessions from the other side.
• Be certain that all members of your negotiating team know and agree on exactly what you want out of the deal. Write this down (perhaps adding a few “nice to haves” that can be given away later) and bring it with you. Do not show the Russians anything other than unity among your team.
• Be factual and include all levels of technical detail.
• “Final offers” are never final during initial negotiations. Be prepared to wait; the offer may be made more attractive if you can hold out.
• Until you have a signed a formal agreement, do not get overconfident about the deal at hand. And never expect that you can renegotiate later for a better deal. This contract is as advantageous as you will ever get.
• The Russians may request that some funds be paid to them directly in cash, or to an account in a foreign bank. This may be because of their historic concern over the oppressive Russian tax system and the rarity of being paid in cash. Be prepared to propose various options.
• One Russian tactic is to allow (after long negotiations) the foreign partner to own 51 per cent of a joint venture. However, contracts usually require unanimity among the partners for major decisions anyway, so 51 per cent is not a controlling interest.
• Include a clause requiring the joint venture partners to submit to arbitration in a neutral country if they can’t come to an agreement. Sweden is the most popular choice for third country arbitration.
• Russian regulations represent the biggest liability to a successful joint venture. These regulations are in constant flux (reforms are being made all the time), so don’t count on your Russian partner to have a full grasp of the legal issues involved. Get your own expert in Russian law. Don’t be surprised when something you did yesterday is disallowed tomorrow; some laws are nebulous, and their interpretation is subject to change.
• Appearances can be deceiving. Russian firms may look prosperous and full of potential. Select a partner based upon full knowledge of the assets it owns or controls.
• Since it is not customary for Russians to disclose their home phone, or other personal telephone numbers, no official residential phone books are issued at all. However, various directories are produced, and many of them are accessible free on the Internet.
• In many countries—such as Japan—people tend to respond to a question by saying “yes.” In the USSR the tendency used to be just the opposite; managers and bureaucrats said “no” at every opportunity. However, Russian executives now often say yes to proposals—even if they lack the authority to do so. They make promises to buy time, and expand the contacts they want with foreigners.
• Historically, there were many reasons why Russians said no to business proposals. One was that innovation was traditionally discouraged. Also, Russians were afraid that if they gave the go-ahead and a project failed, they would be held responsible. Another reason had to do with the position of an individual in a rigid, hierarchical bureaucracy. You rarely met a Russian bureaucrat who had the power to push a project forward without the agreement of others. But one individual could cancel a project, all by himself or herself. Often, the ability to say no was the only real power many bureaucrats possessed; not surprisingly, they used it frequently.
• Peace, international relations, the changes in Russia, and difficult economic situations are all common topics of conversation. People will ask what you think of Russia and what life is like in your home country.

Americans

• Business is done at lightning speed in comparison to many cultures. U.S. salespeople may bring final contracts to their first meeting with prospective clients. In large firms, contracts under $10,000 can often be approved by one middle manager in one meeting.
• Send all relevant information electronically to prospects prior to your visit, and be prepared to process invoices through their paperless online systems.
• Appointments are made by e-mail, conferences are broadcast live over the Web, information and presentations are archived on corporate intranets so employees can access them worldwide at their leisure. Speakers and presenters should remember that their recorded words may ring over speakers, through the Web, for years to come.
• Executives should keep up to date with new electronic gadgets and means of communications in the United States. Hot zones (wireless access) are proliferating; you can access e-mail and surf the net from a multitude of locations—including your aeroplane seat. The gadgets will only get faster and smaller, so stay current.
• The use of handhelds, cell phones, and associated devices are common in business meetings. Taking calls while others are in the room can be highly irritating to international visitors—but be aware that it is common practice.
• In response to an increase in the vehicular accident rate, some states (for example, New York and New Jersey) have made it illegal to talk on a hand-held cell phone while driving.
• While knowing the right people and having many contacts in an industry is valuable, it is not seen as being as important for a salesperson as a good history of sales. Sales staff are evaluated and compensated on their “track records” rather than the potential for exploiting their contacts.
• The “bottom line” (financial issues), new technology, and short-term rewards are the normal focus in negotiations.
• U.S. executives begin talking about business after a very brief exchange of small talk, whether in the office, at a restaurant, or even at home.
• Whether a colleague is a man or a woman should be ignored, except when it comes to personal questions. Women should not be asked if they are married. If a woman mentions that she is married, you should simply ask a few polite questions about her husband or children.
• Remember that the United States is the most litigious society in the world. There are lawyers who specialize in every industry and segment of society, from corporate tax attorneys to “ambulance chasers” (personal injury lawyers).
• The standard U.S. conversation starter is “What do you do?”—meaning “What kind of work do you do, and for whom?” This is not considered at all rude or boring. Actually, to many U.S. citizens, you are what you do.
• Compliments are exchanged very often. They are often used as conversation starters. If you wish to chat with someone, you can compliment something that person has (e.g., clothing) or has done (a work or sports-related achievement).
• Until you know a person well, avoid discussing religion, money, politics, or other controversial subjects (e.g., abortion, race, or sex discrimination).
• Some common topics of conversation are a person’s job, travel, foods (and dieting), exercise, sports, music, movies, and books.
• Before smoking, ask if anyone minds, or wait to see if others smoke. Smoking is generally prohibited in public places: in aeroplanes, office buildings, in stadiums, and even in bars. Large restaurants in some states usually have a section where smoking is permitted. Many hotels designate rooms as smoking and nonsmoking.
• While business people always have business cards, they are not exchanged unless you want to contact the person later. Be sure to include your e-mail address, Web site, etc., on your card.
• Your card will probably be put into a purse, wallet, or back pocket. People may write on your card as well. This is not meant to show disrespect.

Taken from the same source as the previous national profiles I've posted here.

Four Songs No.3

If you fancy it, listen to the three songs in this pack and offer a review of your favourite one (or as many as you want). Do some research and find a bit of biographical information about the band or the artist to make your review journalistic rather than just a personal response. Here is the third pack of three...

Caecille Norby - Life On Mars

It's a god-awful small affair 

To the girl with the mousy hair 

But her mummy is yelling "No" 

And her daddy has told her to go 

But her friend is nowhere to be seen 

Now she walks through her sunken dream 

To the seat with the clearest view 

And she's hooked to the silver screen 

But the film is a saddening bore 

For she's lived it ten times or more 

She could spit in the eyes of fools 

As they ask her to focus on 

Sailors fighting in the dance hall 

Oh man! Look at those cavemen go 

It's the freakiest show 

Take a look at the Lawman 

Beating up the wrong guy 

Oh man! Wonder if he'll ever know 

He's in the best selling show 

Is there life on Mars? 

It's on America's tortured brow 

That Mickey Mouse has grown up a cow 

Now the workers have struck for fame 

'Cause Lennon's on sale again 

See the mice in their million hordes 

From Ibiza to the Norfolk Broads 

Rule Britannia is out of bounds 

To my mother, my dog, and clowns 

But the film is a saddening bore 

'Cause I wrote it ten times or more 

It's about to be writ again 

As I ask you to focus on 

Sailors fighting in the dance hall 

Oh man! Look at those cavemen go 

It's the freakiest show 

Take a look at the Lawman 

Beating up the wrong guy 

Oh man! Wonder if he'll ever know 

He's in the best selling show 

Is there life on Mars?

=x=

Colin Hay - My Brilliant Feat

Did someone call my name?

Like a distant drum is beating

Or is it just another dream of long ago?

I dance again, I am spinning

In the light, I am living

And I can feel the power rushing through my veins

Once upon a time I could do no wrong

For the candle flickers, the flame is never gone

To my brilliant feat

They all pay heed

I hear the crowds roar oh so loudly

Is it a game of chance

Or merely circumstances

A jack to a king and back

Then you have to pay to play

The world it won't wait for you

It's got its own things to do

The sun's gotta rise and drive another night away

And as I listen to the silence

I can hear thunder in the distance

To my brilliant feat

I make grown men weep

And still my eyes grow oh so cloudy

Another performance...

He explains at the beginning that it's about George Best (see HERE)

=x=

Patti Smith - Summer Cannibals

I was down in Georgia
Nothing was as real
As the street beneath mu feet
Descending into air
The cauldron was a'bubbling
The flesh was lean
And the women moved forward
Like piranhas in a stream
They spread themselves before me
An offering so sweet
And they beckoned[x2]
Come on darling eat

[Chorus :]
Eat the summer cannibals
Eat eat eat
You eat the summer cannibals
Eat eat eat

They circled around me
Natives in a ring
And I saw their souls a'withering
Like snakes in chains
And they wrapped themselves around me
Ummm what a treat
And they rattled their tales
Hissing come on let's eat

[Chorus]

I felt a rising in my throat
The girls a'saying grace
And the air the vicious air
Pressed against my face
And it all got too damn much for me
Just got too damn rough
And I pushed away my plate
And said boys I've had enough
And I laid upon the table
Just another piece of meat
And I opened up my veins to them
And said come on eat

[Chorus]

[Outro:]
I was down in Georgia
Nothing was as real
As the street beneath mu feet
Descending into hell
So eat eat eat
Eat eat eat

=x=

Dresden Dolls - Backstabber
(this video is a little bit rude - watch it at your own risk - I do not endorse it officially)

the record goes from blue to gold 

so thank you for all your help 

I know you want to jump around 

but try to contain yourself 

you always struck me as the type to take it lightly 

but now you’re gonna have to shut your mouth or fight me… 

backstabber, backstabber…. 

you’re all alone you’re all over  

the popular magazines will never care what do you care 

you’re down with the Japanese 

but you’ve got no right to sit there saying I abuse it 

when you only sleep with girls who say they like your music 

backstabber backstabber backstabber backstabber
backstabber backstabber backstabber backstabber 

backstabber! hope grabber! 

greedy little fit haver! 

god, I feel for you, fool….. 

s**t lover! off brusher! 

jaded bitter joy crusher! 

failure has made you so cruel…. 

rotten to the core  

rotten to the core 

rotten like a crackwhore 

backing out out the backdoor 

show us what you’re good for 

stick it to the noise board 

come on join the bloodsport 

show us some support, still 

working at the drugstore 

is it because you’re A F****ING 

backstabber! hope grabber! 

greedy little fit haver! 

god, I feel for you, fool….. 

s**t lover! off brusher! 

jaded bitter joy crusher! 

failure has made you so cruel…. 

  

so don’t tell me what to write 

and don’t tell me that I’m wrong…… 

and don’t tell me not to reference my songs within my songs 

so here we go the open road 

is covered with taco stands 

and you can stop we’ll drop you off 

and write to you when we land 

BACKSTABBER!

Put on your music journalist hat.