Scenario 1
You get a letter from your grandparents asking you to contact them and help with reconciliation.
What do you do?
Scenario 2
You get a letter from your grandparents asking you to contact them about inheriting the disputed land and money.
What do you do?
Scenario 3
You get a letter from your grandfather telling you that your grandmother – with whom you used to be very close – is very ill.
What do you do?
For the first scenario it would depend on how well I know my about what happened between my grandparents and my parents. If it were something unforgivable I wouldn't think of even laying a finger on the subject. I know it seems to be cruel to do so to our grandparents, however given the circumstances I would justify the actions of my parents. If it were a small problem then I would happily help reconcile. However, if it were a small problem then my parents wouldn't have stopped talking to my grand parents for ten years. Regardless, this is why parents shouldn't keep secrets from their children. Sure a child between the age of 5-17 has no right to know about the feud, however an 18 year old can be considered as an adult and it wouldn't hurt to let them know about the feud. By doing so the 18 year old can think for himself if it were to be okay to reconcile the family.
ReplyDeleteAs for the second scenario, it would still have to depend on how severe the issue is. I don't know what it feels like to have a long family feud, but I do know how it feels to get an inheritance from a grandparent. Back in 2015 my grandmother passed away and inherited a piece of land in Medan, North Sumatera under my name, even though I was 15 years old at the time. My parents thought they should sell the land and use the money to get me a car, and that is how I got my first car. I can imagine if at the time my parents had a feud with my grandparents. I'm sure they would respect my grandparents decision as my father is still my grandparents children. No matter how badly a feud is, a child will always have love for their parents and the parents will always have love for their child. So what I would do is of course consult my parents and the reason my grandparents would send a letter like this is if they are expecting to pass away soon and that could end the feud.
ReplyDeleteAs for the third scenario my answer will be different from the other two scenarios. I wouldn't consult my parents, however I will tell them about the situation. I would not ask for permission to see my grandma or ask about the feud. I would simply just say "I will be going to see grandma" with or without their permission. This is similar to my situation in 2015 where when my grandma was ill, I skipped school and went to Jakarta all by myself. Part of me knew that she wasn't going to get better so that is why I insisted on going, however since I was 15 years old at the time I had to ask permission from my parents first. The point is I loved my grandmlther so much, and when I got the call that she was very ill I did not hesitate to go see her as soon as possible. I would do the same thing if it were my grandfather also, I respect my elders and I realize that they do not have a lot of time left on this life. That is why I want to be there as much as I possibly can for them, because time is very precious to them.
ReplyDeleteWell this is a very interesting drama
ReplyDeleteScenario one : I’ll help them to reconcile no matter what. I’ll approach my parents, trying to make them talk about the problem so at least perhaps I can help communicate it with my grandparents, to clear up the dissent. Well although if this is really happening with my parents, I don’t think this plan is going to work though, because I’m pretty sure that they’re not going to talk about it, so the plan B is I’ll go make my parents think about the problem from my grandparents’ perspective. I’ll subtle but constant, so I probably going to talk about my grandparents with sisters in front of my parents everyday to make sure that they heard me. If it’s still not working, the plan C a.k.a the extreme plan is by rebelling to my parents. If I argue with them, I’ll just shut them up. By the time they talked about my attitude, I’ll tell them that I do exactly the same like what they did to my grandparents. That way, surely they’ll know how it’s feel like to be my grandparents, and perhaps it’ll melt the ice in their heart and fix their relationship with my gramps. I think no matter how mad my parents are with my grandparents, they’re not supposed to shut them up like that (for ten years wow my parents are such a durhaka kids). I guess family shouldn’t argue about some worldy stuff like land or money since family should’ve stick together since blood is thicker than water. Land or money can be vanished but family will last forever.
Scenario two : I actually do not care about the land and the money, so I will not interfere with the land and the money disputes since it’s out of my capacity. All I care about is how to unite the family and repair the relationship between my parents and my grandparents.
ReplyDeleteScenario three : Obviously I would tell my parents about this and ask them if I can visit her or if they would like to come with me to visit her. Well this kind of feud won’t ever happened in my family though since my parents are both family oriented so we’re super close with our big family, but if this such stuff could ever happen (amit-amit), I’m sure they would let me visit her or even come with me to visit her. I believe that even though they didn’t talk for ten years, but children will always love their parents no matter what happened, and vice versa.
I consider myself as a family oriented person. Well, I used to dedicate my time for my family and I hope I’ll do the same thing again soon. Family, for me, is very important. One of my favourite quotes is from an unknown person, saying: “Families are like branches on a tree. We grow in different directions, yet our roots remain as one.”
ReplyDeleteI would like to emphasize on the second sentence of the quote: ‘grow in different directions’ and ‘roots remain as one’. On my point of view, the ideal family is the one who supports each other anytime and anywhere, but with all their capability trying to maintain the rapport with one another. This means that whenever one part of the family travel far to achieve their own dreams and goals, they would never forget the people stood in line behind him. Even though I said that family is important, I would say that communication is the most important thing, especially within the family.
For all the 3 scenarios, I would try to answer it in one go. I would not be the part of the family who aggravates and ignores occurred problems. I would face it and try to do something about it. In this case, I would approach my grandparents but at the same time, I‘ll do the same thing to my parents as well. I’ll dedicate my time in order for the reconciliation can be done successfully. I can’t expect problem to be solved without any efforts. I can’t expect the feud between my parents and grandparents can be over without any communication between them.
For me family is the greatest blessing in my life. Therefore, for scenario number 1, I will try to know what is the problem between them, then try to understand from both perspective, lastly I will do everything I can to reconcile them. If my parents/ my grand parents don not want to do that, then I will still keep a good relationship between me and my parents (as their daughter) also me and my grandparents ( as their grand daughter) by ignoring the long-standing feud. For scenario number 2, I will contact my grandparents, because I think that it is important thing, although actually I do not really care about the heritage (land and money), I just don’t want to make my grandparents upset because I ignore them. For scenario number 3, I will definitely visit them, because no matter how bad our family’s relationship, they are still my family, and knowing one of our family is ill, it will hurt me so much. I also believe that she (grand mother) needs supports from her family, and I will try to approach my parents, tell them the truth, and persuade them so that they want to visit grandmother together with me.
ReplyDeleteI’ve faced the first scenario numerous times in my life so far. My grandparents from my mother’s side of the family did not get along so well for several years now. Back then when I was still a 7th grader, I think marital problems are too much in portion for kids my age back then, since my grandmother asked me sometimes for advices and consultations regarding how to interact with my grandfather, who is known to be stubborn until now. But I was wrong regarding my initial perception of marital problems too much for my age back then, because I feel that I benefit from it. By being exposed to subject matter older than my age, I feel that I’m educated and became more mature due to the fact not only knowing adult problems, but also completely comprehend and solved them. Even though they still tend to argue until this day, I’ve become wiser and can come up with solutions to help out.
ReplyDeleteThis one is quite a difficult subject to process. In this subject, age is quite an aspect that factors the decision of inheritance, although many agreed that age does not equal or reflects maturity, I still believe that some of the older grandchildren can expect or to anticipate to receive it, due to much more life experiences and a wiser persona (commonly). I would not say that nepotism is attributed in making decisions like this, there must be a long progress of decision making, due to this being a great decision to be made. Personally, since I am the oldest one among the grandchildren from both sides of the family, my grandparents from my mother’s side of the family pressured me to take control of their small land, which they have transform into a small business. Personally, I don’t want to take it. I want to build my own legacy, not carrying a legacy. But on the other hand, I want to make my grandparents from my mother’s side of the family happy. So the conclusion is that this is a dilemma hard to face and solve.
DeleteThis is a question with a no doubt answer. I will come and visit my grandma as soon as possible after hearing news like this. I had lost both my grandparents from my father’s side of the family and eventually my father passed away two years after my grandmother. It is hard to imagine to having to go through it again, although one day I surely will. In this situation, we do not know if the doctors can fix them or in this case, her. There is a probability that she will die, and there is also a chance that she can be healed. All I’m saying is that we don’t know the outcome and aftermath of the sickness. The only solution that I can point out is to cherish every moment we have. I remember every moment with my dad, to every detail, and they were probably triggered when he died. We won’t know when they will be gone, so just try to make them happy while they’re still in our life.
DeleteTo answer the first scenario, the obvious answer is for me to first contact my parents to know if they are willing to reopen the negotiations with my grandparents. If I responded to my grandparents but they are not willing to talk with my grandparents, I will risk making myself look dumb and naïve. The second scenario will probably end up with me reporting what they said to my parents about their intentions because said land and money are not mine by right. The third one is more of a dilemma than the previous two scenarios, because this is a chance for me to interact with my grandparents on a personal basis without the inheritance conflict interfering. But if I have to be honest, I would probably not visit grandparents because I prefer not being involved with their feud, since I know that they will use that opportunity to take me in to the fold.
ReplyDeleteIf this situation happened to me I would probably ask my parents about what is going on first. If the problem between my parents and grandparents are too complicated, I would probably reject the first and second scenario. But, I would tell my parents about the scenario number three because in my opinion they deserves to know. I mean like, I don't care if they are not even close anymore. The only thing they need to know is that the one who raised and gave birth to them is sick right now. If they did not visit them, they might not be able to see them anymore. Anyway, but if I heard about the problem and think that I might be able to solve it, I would definitely try my best to do so. If they decided to reconcile, the others scenario might be easier to solve (or better, you don't even need to solve it anymore).
ReplyDeleteHere is another dilemma post! Family feud is actually something that I really want to avoid. It’s hard whenever there are problems between family members, and sometimes you just don’t know where to stand.
ReplyDeleteFor the first scenario, I will tell my parents that I received a letter from my grandparents. However, I have made up my mind that I will contact and try to help my grandparents. I will be mad if my parents forbid me to meet my own grandparents, they are approaching me for my help so it is my decision whether to help or no. Plus, 10 years of not meeting them are way too long.
While for the second scenario if my grandparents ask me to inherit the disputed land and money, then the decision that I take should be contemplated. The family feud started because the land and money, accepting the disputed land and money will put me inside the problem.
The first thing I will do is probably contacting my other relatives regarding this matter. I will ask for their advices and requesting their help in this matter too. I might not take the disputed land and money but try to finish the problem. Maybe by distributing the land and money fairly to the grandchildren, the family problem will come to an end and they can reunite.
However if the family condition is very tense, then I won’t take the money at all, and I will reject the offer. I will apologize to my grandparents for rejecting their offer. I will also tell them the reason why I reject it, because I’m afraid more problems will arise between the families.
For the last scenario, if my grandmother is ill I will definitely visit her! No matter the problems happening between the families, I will visit her. Plus, I used to be close with her and it is a must for me to visit her and helping her in any way I can.
I cannot imagine these dilemmas happening to me in real life but if it actually happens I will have to do something. Regarding the first scenario, I will help my grandparents to have reconciliation with my parents because I want their relationship to get better. I do not want to face the same thing with my parents where I don’t talk to them in years therefore the broken bonds in the family must be fixed first. With the second scenario, I will ignore the letter because I do not want to be involved in the family feud about land and money as I do not care about it. I care more about the relationships between each member of the family. As with the third scenario, I will straightaway tell my parents about the condition of my grandmother. Although they have not talked for ten years, my grandmother is still the mother of my mother therefore they must at least still care for each other. Perhaps by telling my parents about this news, they would finally meet each other and solve the problems together.
ReplyDelete