MANY have heard of the seven-year itch, but it is the fifth year of marriage that is really the toughest, according to new UK research.
A British law firm's study of 2000 married people found the first year was described as a whirlwind of wedded bliss by most, while the third year of marriage was said to be the happiest of all as couples settle into a comfortable co-existence after ironing out any earlier issues.
However, just two years later, couples reported the fifth as the most difficult to get through, due to factors such as tiredness and exhaustion amid increasing workloads.
Those surveyed voted seven years to be "the wall" which, if scaled successfully, paves the way for a long, happy and lasting relationship.
One in 10 admitted "they didn't realise how hard" marriage would be and others confessed to suffering an emotional "comedown" after the high of their wedding day, with one in five admitting there are days when they regret the decision to get hitched completely.
Unbalanced sex drives, different hobbies or social preferences were found to provide stumbling blocks after the first few years.
The study found half of those questioned said their wedding day was the happiest of their life, but the warm glow appears to have quickly faded for many, with a third admitting the love in their marriage has reduced since the big day.
Amanda McAlister, family lawyer at Slater & Gordon, which carried out the research, said couples should not forget that a happy marriage takes effort.
"It's not very often that we see clients in those first few years of marriage but by the five-year mark or a couple of years after they have children we often have married couples asking us for advice," she said.
"The buzz of the first few years where everything is new is hard to maintain and often people find that married life hasn't lived up to their expectations."
Taken from The Australian newspaper.
I find this article very interesting and relatable. Maintaining a relationship is far from easy, and I learned that couples often, even if they seem to have similar interests at first, differ to different hobbies or social tendencies. This can be caused by new friends, new environments, etc. After a few months or years in a relationship, one might feel fairly bored with the constant feel and might want more. This is often due to, in my opinion, repetitive and static behavior in the relationship. I find the research done by this article fairly interesting. I can see why most couples that come for advice have past the five-year mark. Usually, the early period of the relationship or also known as ‘The Honeymoon Phase’ hides one’s true bad sides. Although I think it is also true that couples that surpass the five-year mark will last very long, yet the true course of a relationship is determined by the couple themselves.
ReplyDeleteI would say that this article is relevant and valid because I have been in the shoes of a person with parents experiencing something similar to this. Growing up, I was part of a happy family with many memorable experiences alongside my mother, father and older sister. The happy family image I had was the same as what was happening until I reached 11th grade high school. The happy family image I thought I had was not entirely an illusion, it’s just that my parents had their own issues which led to discussions of divorce until I reached 12th grade. Surprisingly, the issue actually happened before I was even born until that moment of my last year of high school. Nevertheless, my parents still provided me and my sister the healthy, fun and loving family environment we needed until my young adult years, regardless the issue they had whatever it is. I’m relieved that things are getting better now.
ReplyDeleteThe study on the "Seven Year Itch" made by a Briitish law firm has its own attractions for certain. The assumption that a couple needs to pass seven years for them to be made to be sure to last. It is common in relationships to be fresh and exciting in its early stages. In this stage usually couples are more intrigued about each other and try to experiment to do new things. As this stage pass the chemistry is more bonded but things get stagnant and this stage usually decides where in the future the couple heads. The latter stages usually go through some hard times in which couples are in conflict. How they resolve the conflict also decides in what direction the relationship goes to. In my opinion for each couple the time needed for them to bond and get to know each other is different. So the seven year for me is quite irrelevant, as I trust the process of natural selection more rather than numbers. Because like the feelings itself is abstract and cannot be put into numbers or logic directly.
ReplyDeleteI think its quite interesting for people to have a sort of superstition that involves marriage. To a certain degree, it does make sense. After seven years, I'd expect the partners to know each other well enough. And this fact could mean that they have discovered darker sides of their partners or they simply think that there is not much to know anymore about this person and so it get boring is some sense. And it could also be factor of tolerance. I mean sure in some cases opposites attract but then eventually these differences may be come intolerable after a certain amount of time,the most likely differences is conflicting personalities. After this seven year period is most likely a time where these differences start to cause friction. In my opinion, every couple would reach such a point eventually, where both sides perhaps would feel exhausted of each other. Its how they deal with it that truly determines if the relationship would work out eventually.
ReplyDeleteI believe that people have their own perspectives towards marriage. Some said that marriage is a serious commitment where they must be sure they can spend the rest of their lives with the right partner while some may said that marriage is unnecessary as they prefer cohabitation rather than being married to their partner. The study of “Seven- year itch” stated that after seven years of marriage, couples tend to loss their enjoyment towards marriage and their faithfulness are starting to be questioned. According to the articles above, these can be caused by several factors such as different opinions and hobbies, unbalanced sex drives and also social preferences. Each couple have to come up with their own way to solve the problem because these differences can put their marriage at risk and lead to a divorce. Personally, I do not favor marriage. I believe that a relationship should not be settled formally because if we are already sure with that special someone, we can get through everything and live happily together.
ReplyDeleteLove and marriage is a whole different thing. You can love someone but you’re not married to them. Or worst, you can be married to someone you don’t even love. That’s why taking a relationship to marriage is a huge, sacred step. Marriage takes high commitment from two people. Their vows are supposed to tie them forever, until death do them apart. From what I learn, marriages are not always rainbows and butterflies, but it also comes with a lot of storms. It’s surely common for couples to have conflicts, and to have phases where they think it would be the end of it. From my monogamist point of view, I believe people are meant for just one other person. The ‘seven-year-itch’ is probably just another bump on the road, and eventually things will work out. Working things out maybe takes a lot of effort, but if you’re committed to one another, it shouldn’t be a big of a deal. Always try finding something new to make your partner happy, and believe that love just don’t expire over time.
ReplyDelete“A good marriage isn’t something you find; it’s something you make and you have to keep on making it”. Marriage needs effort from both sides and takes lots of commitment. Being with someone for the rest of your life is not going to be easy. There will be a lot of ups and downs and you have to manage to get through it. A long-lasting marriage is very possible, but only for them who really want to work for it. Unfortunately, not many people want to put a lot of effort on their marriage. The seven-year itch is just a research based on other people’s experienced in marriage, but that doesn’t mean it’s true and you will experience it in the future too. I think that every problem in a relationship can and should be solved. Because if you really love your partner, there won’t be any time range that can end your relationship.
ReplyDeleteTopics about marriage has never failed to intrigue me. Probably because it’s just something I could never completely understand and just kept on asking questions about. I’ve heard from my parents and adults around me concerning the phases of marriage they are experiencing and it’s somewhat similar to this seven-year itch. Through their marriage years, couples usually went through four phases : romance, disillusionment, misery and awakening to joy. At the romance phase, couples starts their relationship where they fell in love and everything seemed perfect, even slight differences are cute and endearing and all that matter was being together. Then came along the disillusionment phase where those differences that starts out as endearing gradually becomes annoying and conflicts start to arise, self-talk in the back of their mind starts wondering why their spouse couldn’t be more like them or at least be more compliant. During this stage, usually after seven years of marriage, couples realized that their spouse might not be the “one” for them. The third and climax stage where things are heated up is the misery stage. During this stage, thoughts of divorce are inevitable as it may seem that too much has happened and there is no way to forgive and move on. Many judge that the restoration of love and trust seems impossible and it may seem that things can never be the same. This misery, if prolonged could even begin to negatively affect (if there are) the children. However if these couples are able to relinquish on those negative thoughts and are willing to try to fix things, the phase of awakening of joy takes place, where they now have learned that marriage does not follow the Romance and “Happily Ever After” formula portrayed in literature and media. Rather, they find that there are certain learnable skills and attitudes they can use to deal with the inevitable problems and struggles that a marriage will face. In this last phase, couples learn that a relationship based on love is actually about unconditional acceptance and being valued for who they are. I believe that these phases during the 7-year period, although inevitable is not impossible to go through. Fortunately for me, my parents are open about the struggles they are facing with one another and oftentimes, we (me and my brother), are the mediators for both parties, we sometimes give advices as well as support (from our point of view) to our parents so that they can understand and find better solutions to the problems they’re facing.
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