Thursday, 11 October 2018

Mixed Race Families

Britain is now a better place to grow up mixed race. But don't celebrate yet

Prejudices have receded significantly in the past 20 years, but a report out this week shows racist attitudes remain

by Lanre Bakare, The Observer (British newspaper)


lanre bakare and family

Growing up as a mixed race child, with a mother from Leeds and a father from Nigeria, my Bradford childhood certainly wasn't trouble-free. But I had the kind of relatives to see me through any tricky moments. As well as a fantastic, loving family on my mother's side, I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by a strong Nigerian community, focused around a friendship club my father founded, which acted as a focal point for a small but vibrant community.

With my dad and his mates I would hear Yoruba, Igbo and Hausa spoken; I'd listen to the music of Fela, Shina Peters and Ayinla Kollington, and get to taste jollof rice, eba, moinmoin and other Nigerian cuisine. This understanding and engagement with the other side of my ancestry and culture was vital to me. It gave me confidence to fall back on when people would question who I was. Both my parents instilled the idea in me that being different was a huge positive. It was something special, that should be celebrated and cherished rather than hidden or denied.

Not everyone is so lucky, of course. But this week a report released in the wake of the 2011 census threw fresh light on mixed race relationships in the UK and the public's perception of them. And it seemed to bring good news. The census revealed there are a million people who identify as mixed race. British Future, the thinktank that produced the report (titled The Melting Pot Generation – How Britain Became More Relaxed About Race), found that 15% of the public have a problem with these relationships, compared to 50% in the 80s and 40% in the 90s.

The so-called Jessica Ennis Generation (those born in the 80s and 90s, like me) was portrayed as more tolerant of, and essentially not bothered by, mixed race families.

It followed other recent reports which claimed that mixed race people are more attractive, more intelligent and biologically superior to their single race counterparts. But have the prejudices which blighted mixed race people and couples completely disappeared over the last 20 years? Has Britain entered into a post-racial nirvana in which that kind of prejudice has all but died out?

There's no doubt that things have improved. Significantly. Sure, growing up in Bradford in the 90s I had my share of the racist incidents which many people faced – name-calling at school, being singled out by the police, and feeling like I didn't "fit in'' with my peer group. But my experiences pale in comparison to those mixed race people who grew up in the generation before mine.

A friend's father, who is also mixed race, grew up in my area a quarter of a century before.

His brother was driven to painting his skin with white emulsion paint because he was so distressed at the abuse he received. His pores became clogged and he had to be taken to hospital as his skin could no longer breathe.

Stories like that make you realise that for a lot of mixed race people, growing up in a space between two cultures was testing, isolating and painful. There is no doubt society has moved forward since then, but we should be cautious about celebrating too soon. These things are complicated.

Take a journalist colleague of mine, Joseph Harker, who has a Nigerian father and an Irish mother. He is loth to identify as mixed race and sceptical about the motives behind the recent fascination with mixed race Britain and what it represents.

Seen from his point of view, mixed race people have become the new poster boys and girls of diversity because they are seen as less threatening, more attractive, more European and in short, more acceptable.

For him the constant thematising of "mixed race Britain'' is fashionable because it makes white people feel more comfortable. In one piece Joseph wrote, he asked: "Could Barack Obama have been elected were both his parents black?"

This school of thought would contend that the feting of stars like Jessica Ennis doesn't really reflect discrimination more ordinary mixed race folk face, regardless of how successful certain athletes or musicians are. This celebration of mixed race and black athletes is not a new phenomenon.

Daley Thompson won the Sports Personality of the Year award in 1982, and that triumph was seen by some as a watershed moment for race relations that would lead the way for more acceptance of mixed race people and mixed race relationships. It didn't really turn out that way in the 80s.

Then there is the example of the French football team in the World Cup of 1998. A team which included Arab, mixed race and black players like Thierry Henry, Patrick Vieira, David Trezeguet, Zinedine Zidane and Lillian Thuram was used to build up the idea of a French rainbow nation, as Paris and the country at large embraced multiculturalism and its different communities.

Yet, fast forward to 2011 and the French team was embroiled in a race row after Laurent Blanc was taped discussing proposals to reduce the number of black and Arab players in the side, addressing concerns the team wasn't white enough.

At the same time France was struggling to deal with race riots, the rise of the far-right with the increased popularity of staunch anti-immigration politicians like Marine Le Pen, who just last week was in trouble for comparing Islamic prayers to the Nazi occupation during the second world war.

During the same period Britain has had to deal with the rise of the BNP and the anti-immigration agenda which continues to dominate political discourse, with Ed Miliband stating on Friday that Labour made mistakes when it came to immigration and "Britain must always control its borders".

There does seem to be a disconnect between the immigration debate and the supposed flourishing of an at-ease "mixed race Britain''. Do politicians who praise the development of a more mixed country fail to see the obvious connection between that and immigration?

Let's not be too bleak. Things have changed for the better for mixed race Britons over the last 30 years. The point is that there are still prejudices which hinder improved race relations in the UK, which affect all racial groups. I agree with Minna Salami, who runs the MsAfropolitan blog and is mixed race, when she recently said: "There's an eagerness in society to try to be approving of all, which I'm quite moved by, but there's a level of silencing when you've got white reporters claiming mixed race people are symbols of harmony when their views aren't heard."

I've also written about the need for mixed race people to become part of the conversation before, but it seems we are continually used as an example of how Britain is moving on without ever being asked about our experiences or opinion.

Before the real impact of mixed race relationships can be measured in the UK, mixed race people themselves need to become part of the conversation.

When I was 15 I was confronted in a former girlfriend's house by her father, who said: "If I had known you were coming I'd have worn my Ku Klux Klan outfit." He then asked me to leave. It felt like I'd been dropped into a scene from Rita, Sue and Bob Too, the hardcore mid-1980s film about Bradford. But that kind of blatant racism is still experienced by some people if they have a partner outside their race. In many cities there is still open prejudice towards relationships between white women and Asian men in particular.

When a friend kissed an Asian schoolmate at a sixth-form party she was branded a "Paki shagger" the next day, and that kind of language was something Asian and white friends faced regularly when they went out with people outside their race.

The past week has shown how all elements of the media, leftwing and right, tabloid and broadsheet, are keen to present the UK as a more tolerant and mixed society than we were. And, of course, it is.

But there is a danger that by simply patting ourselves on the back and believing the feelgood tale of mixed race Britain we are ignoring the reality that a lot of mixed race people face, which is discrimination, lack of understanding and prejudice.

It's still not time to crack open the champagne.

Taken from HERE.

12 comments:

  1. Mixed-race marriage or usually called interracial marriage is a form of marriage outside a specific social group involving spouses who belong to different socially defined races. It’s believed that compatibility and good communication skills are key to happy marriage. However, many marriages fail despite high compatibility and skilful communication. Lack of support for the marriage from society in general or from extended family in particular can also lead to divorce. Generally speaking, race itself doesn’t seem to have an influence on whether a marriage will fail or succeed. So, if we compare mixed-race and same-race couples who enjoy the same quality of life, there will be no difference in divorce rates according to psychologytoday.com. There’s no evidence that biracial marriages are more likely to fail. However, race is corelated with other factors that do have an impact on marriage quality. When two people from different cultures marry, an important key to the success is respecting each other’s cultural heritage. Each of us has a rich cultural heritage that’s been a part of who we are as a person. By disrespecting certain culture, it can depreciate their value as a person.

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  2. Interracial marriage isn’t something uncommon today. Although it is hardly seen in Indonesia and some other countries, Interracial marriage is very common in countries like the United Kingdom, United States, Australia, etc. When two people from different cultures marry, an important key to making the union a success is respect for each other’s cultural heritage. There are benefits for spouses in having interracial marriage, such as the possibility of learning new languages and having more than one language spoken in the family which could be an easier opportunity for them and possibly their children to learn more than one language.

    It is mentioned in the article that the public have less problems with mixed-race families now compared to the 80s or 90s. In my opinion, with more interracial marriages happening around certain countries, more people in the public are starting to accept mixed-race families. An example of a famous interracial marriage is between Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook, and Priscilla Chan.

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  3. Many people surround ask me. What do you think about inter-racial or mixed race wedding. My answer is always the same. Well it's okay though, what's wrong with that by the way? Is it wrong? That is my answer to people that ask me that question. In my life, i never thought that mixed race family is such a bad thing, and i don't have any problem of mixed race family. But, the older generations, which are usually very strict with their cultures and rules, do not allow the young generations to have mixed race family. They said that it is will be difficult to adjust between two different cultures in one family. Yes, i admit that is difficult. But, it is actually not a big problem if you can discuss it with you husband or wife about it to solve the problem. I think it is not as difficult as they think. I thing that they are react exaggerating to the mixed race family problem. I have so many friends, whose his or her parents came from different race backgrounds. When i asked them ablut the family and the problem, they said like this "Well it is okay though. Our family is doing well with the race problems. Why do people even think that mixed race family, like my family, always have a big race problems?". Even a child of the mixed race family said that it is okay. Sometimes i don't get what are they worried about mixed race family. Many people who came from the mixed race family said that it is okay. So, i don't think that having a mixed race family is a problem.

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  4. The topic about marriage could be a useful prism to understand some of the complexities of racial issues; which usually too simplified when they're debated on crossfire. This goes back to a constant debate about should we pretend that we got “color blind society,” and on the other hand is everything racial and tribal. But I guess I don't believe in those simplifications. I agree more to the notion of Martin Luther King where he described people share a great deal in common amongst the tribes, and we have to continually work towards and affirm that commonality. But again, we have very different historical circumstances and that past is never dead and buried. So when it comes to racial issues the notion that somehow working towards that commonality will free up as someone who's “multicultural” so that they will now be able to live as individuals, as opposed to categorized into groups of ethnicity, tribes, or religion.

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  5. I grew up in a mixed race family as well. My parents are both Dutch, but they adopted 5 children from all around the globe. They are, in order from young to old, from: Suriname, Curacao, Ghana, Israel and Turkey. They all came to live with us at very young age and therefore don’t feel any different from my biological brothers and sisters. Even though they have a different race and nationality, we do not differ at all. Their passport might be different and their skin might be darker, besides that there is nothing else that connects them with their home country. Since they came to live with us at such young age, the only languages they speak are Dutch and English (And French and/or German). In my opinion they are too naturalized to speak of a multi race family. I would call it a one race family that happens to have different colours (and passports).

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  6. Who are we to choose the person that we love? I think most people have evolved and grown to learn the same. I say that because interracial has become more common, whileas in the past, people tend to marry someone else by their race. I guess it’s an old-school stigma to settle with someone based on what their background is. Love is colorful, love is diversed. When one respects the other, it’s absolutely wonderful to learn about both sides of their race and to love each other out of their differences. I’m currently watching this tv series about an inter-racial family where there should be 3 (Caucasian) twins but one of the three baby didn’t survive on the delivery, and he was then replaced by an adopted African-American boy. Their life story wasn’t always smooth especially the third twin who had to feel like an outsider in his own family. But later on, he grew up happy because how their parents always tried their best to not treat him differently and make him feel accepted as how he is. (The series is called This Is Us. It's very beautiful. Please watch it)

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  7. I think it’s only obvious that mixed marriage is on the rise. Globalization is here, and almost everyone who have the resources have the right to travel where they please, adding to that racism is also a frowned upon thing to do nowadays. And as the world become more tolerant of each other, we would naturally fall in love with each other, disregard of their ethnicity, race, or religion.

    Despite that being said, we have a long way to go before we reach a utopian society where the prejudice and labeling of a race is no longer prevalent in the society. Even in Indonesia there is still much labelling from the many ethnic groups it has. I had a friend that was told by her parents that she can’t married a Sundanese because it will break her Javanese heritage. I guess the fear of an “un pure” Javanese caused him to think like that. In my humble opinion, when a family carries different roots and heritage, the cultures and values need to be still be upheld, without disregarding other values or superior on inferior.

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  8. I personally do not think there is an issue with mixed race marriages. If anything, we all should get used to it since we live in a time where the world becomes more interconnected through globalization and the likes of it. Besides, mixed race relationships are cropping up abroad fairly frequently.
    In Indonesia I somewhat doubt that mixed race marriages would become as acceptable as it is in the West, at least not in the near future. Sure enough Indonesians usually talk about cultural diversity alongside the unique traits each ethnic groups hold and how we are proud of these but ironically it also becomes a point of conflict for some relationships. Some relationships do not work out due to the simple fact that the idea of upholding a tradition or cultural norm trumps the other factors for a relationship to progress.
    I truly hope there comes a time where we no longer treat someone different because of their race, heritage and culture.

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  9. I do not get it, what’s wrong with mixed race families? What’s wrong to marry someone with difference race? We cannot choose someone to love, don’t we? I do not mind at all with that. Lately, I like to watch this channel on YouTube name “Lily Petals Word.” There is this girl name Lily, she is from Korea and she’s married to this guy called James, he’s from Nigeria. Lily made a daily blog on YouTube about the life of mixed race families. They have two beautiful mixed race daughters, their name is Dasomi and Yuri. In the beginning, their family, especially Lily’s father, against their relationship because race difference. Somehow, they keep struggling and now, they are married. They live happily in the United State. Based on that story, the main barrier of a mixed race couple is family, so many parents against their child to marry someone from a different race.

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  10. I don’t understand, why do people give a damn about inter-racial marriage, since marriage, death, etc. has been set by God since we haven’t even existed in this world. Okay that sounds too religious but then, that’s what I do believe since when I was a little boy. Also there’s nothing wrong to marry someone from a different race with us since if the person’s good enough and we love that man/woman there’s nothing wrong with race. Maybe for some ethnic group, it’s something that’s uncommon but in my point of view, if the person would love you at any condition, would take care of you and would not do harm to you, no matter what’s their race or their ethnic background it doesn’t matter much since we’re married or loving that person as an individual, not as a person from an ethnic group or from a particular racial background. And it’s also good to have a relationship with person from a different ethnic group, since it will increase your knowledge regarding how people from different part of the globe do behave on a regular basis as well as to increase your awareness regarding how diverse the world is.

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  11. I think mixed race families are normal because the more diversified the world is, the less chances of racism to occur, or racial stereotypes. Although it might appear to cause some problems, it is only in the minds of the people looking at it. It would seem like there is something odd about the family as a lot of people view it that way. Ultimately, it is up to us to decide if we would view it that way.

    Personally, I am not for nor against mixed race families. People can decide to love who they wanna love and start families. In a non-racial system state like ours, in Indonesia it would not seem like too much of an issue or having to deal with the state. However, in racial countries that for example use race in ID cards, passports, or family cards, would be somewhat more difficult because the family identifies as more than one race compared to our ID cards that only specifies gender and religion.

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