ONLY BUT NOT LONELY
At one time, the family with two children was the norm, and only children or no children was a rarity. But even at a time when some families are having three or more kids and large broods are being celebrated— witness the “Octomom” phenomenon and the popularity of Jon and Kate (now just Kate) Gosselin ’s show about raising eight kids—one-child and no-child families are growing, too. For example, child-free couples have increased from about 2.4 percent in 1982 to 6.6 percent in 1995, according to Wikipedia. 5 Meanwhile, only children have increased from about 10 percent in 1950 to about 20 percent today—about 14 million of them, according to a Parents.com article citing the U.S. Census.
I started thinking about this growing percentage of only kids, after reading a 2010 news article. I had a special interest in this as an only child myself, since I had a younger sister who died after eight days in the hospital due to a missing heart valve and my mother was afraid to have another child. At one time when only children were rare, they developed a reputation of being lonely, spoiled, and socially inept, but that has been changing now that there are more and more only children and they have more opportunities to interact with children from other families and in school. In fact, there are now more families with one child than two children for various reasons, including people marrying at a later age and putting off having children.
In a sense, having one child is becoming the new normal, and it seems like a good option at a time of impending crises due to overpopulation, shrinking resources, climate change, and recent natural and not-so-natural upheavals, from volcanic eruptions to oil spills. So this is a good time to look at what only children are really like and discredit old myths and patterns dating from a time when only children were rare. For instance, it ’s time to put away the myth that only kids are maladjusted (good to know, as an only kid myself), according to New Jersey psychologist Susan Newman, who wrote Parenting an Only Child and now blogs about only children on her Singletons blog. According to Newman, the bias against only children began in the 1890s when families were more isolated. Now, only children can be socialized early with peers outside their family.
Recent research also shows that only children do have a number of advantages. Among other things, they tend to have higher levels of intelligence and achievement; are likely to be independent, strong, successful, and creative; and are good at coping with challenges that come their way. A key reason is because they benefi t from being the focus of their parents’ attention, and parents tend to have more money to spend on them. On the downside, some parents tend to be overly protective, while expecting a high level of performance from them. So it ’s no wonder that some only children turn out to be especially creative and strong leaders, like Steven Jobs, Rudy Giuliani, and Alan Greenspan.
So now, despite all the fuss about large families, especially among celebrities, it seems that only children are finally getting renewed attention and recognition since there are so many more of them, and society is increasingly accepting of all types of families, beyond the traditional image of the ideal family. So besides expecting more books being published about raising single children, such as Parenting an Only Child by Newman and The Seven Common Sins of Parenting an Only Child by Carolyn White, a Los Angeles educator, one can expect other types of activities for only children and their parents to emerge. In fact, some of these have already launched, such as a group called “I am an only child” with 485 members, in which people of 13 or older can anonymously share their stories of being an only child through the Experience Project Web site (www.experienceproject.com ).
While these groups are still small, they might be a harbinger of a growing movement of only kids of all ages who enjoy getting together to share experiences and develop relationships. Such groups might include support, dating, and social organizations, with a variety of activities from potlucks to seminars and workshops devoted to exploring what it means to grow up as a single child compared to growing up in a family with two or more siblings.
It seems like this might be a movement just discovering itself, and with books and articles like those cited here, it might be off to a good start. I certainly hope so, as an only child myself.
Extracts taken from "The Very Next New Thing ~ Commentaries On The Latest Developments That Will Be Changing Your Life" by Gini Graham Scott (2011)
Extracts taken from "The Very Next New Thing ~ Commentaries On The Latest Developments That Will Be Changing Your Life" by Gini Graham Scott (2011)
I don’t really understand why being an only child isn’t considered “normal” before its population increased based on this article. I grew up in a family consisting of two children, so I don’t know what it feels like to be an only child. Though I have a number of friends who don’t have any siblings at all, and it is completely normal for me. In my opinion, only children might be a little lonely when they’re at home because based on my experience, I play a lot with my younger brother when I was young. Being lonely at home without any siblings to play with might just apply to only children of a young age, as most people don’t play much with their siblings as they get older, and they might also be living in different cities like myself now. This article implies that only children usually have overly protective parents. I think this might be true because your parents really want the best of your performance, different from a child with five siblings, but this might only apply to some children though, depending on their parents.
ReplyDeleteI think when it comes to having a family, you have to really think about it with your partner. Having an offspring will change your life to the fullest, even from thinking of having one, it comes from the partner itself. Is your partner really the one you want to have your life with? is he/she capable of taking care your child? From that we are still thinking of will it just be aimless path or a good future. I was the first child in the family, and about 4 years later, my mom gave birth to a daughter. Life is pretty much hard for me because she always has the attention in the family, and what I hate the most are when I have to give in from any situation. Anyway, have children are always easy, but taking care of them are not. Especially thinking about the life cost that you will have to get them at least food, and it’s not about education yet. So yes, for me it really depends on the family size that you will have.
ReplyDeleteThe size of a family has a significant effect on the relations among its members and can play a major role in the development of a child's personality. Family size is a significant factor in child development. Children of large families have a greater opportunity to learn cooperation at an early age than children of smaller families as they must learn to get along with siblings. They also take on more responsibility, both for themselves and often for younger brothers and sisters. In addition, children in large families must cope with sibling rivalry, from which they may learn important lessons that will help them later in life. This factor, however, may also be a disadvantage; either the older child who was "dethroned" from a privileged position or the younger child who is in the eldest child's shadow may suffer feelings of inferiority. Children in large families tend to adopt specific roles in order to gain parental attention. Meanwhile, Children in small families receive a greater amount of individual attention and tend to be comfortable around adults at an early age.
ReplyDeleteI think Indonesia need to address this matter more seriously, now more than ever. It is not weird to have only a single child. Most families in Indonesia consist of middle-to-low class income earners. The families who have more than 3 children come from this class, unfortunately. Here, it is considered good fortune to have a lot of kids. “ Banyak anak, Banyak rezeki” they said. Newlyweds here, usually under the pressure from their parents, usually rushed without thinking ahead. Young couples here also tend to marry early in order for their desire to be legalized under the religion standards. They don’t think on how will they afford all the neccesities for their family. From all of this, we can see why poor families often have more than two children. I do hope that in the future, people will be more educated and will take a moment to think about these things.
ReplyDeleteThe size of a family in my opinion is very important as it has an impact on the cohesiveness of the family and also the development of the child. As we move on to the future, many things change in terms of the dynamics of society. From how we socialize and the personality of the people around us. In my opinion it is only ideal to have a nuclear family. Which means the family consists of two kids and a father and mother. First of all as the kids have a sibling, it adds a more crowded vibe. So the kids don't get lonely when their parents are away to do their responsibilities. From the parent's point of view as they run responsibilities regarding their jobs, they can also balance on working to build their family's chemistry. Overall in my opinion it is important for the parent's to consider many things regarding the construction of a family.
ReplyDeleteIndonesia's population has increased significantly the past decade mostly because the number of child being born in a family which sometimes could be up to 4. We already have this program where parents are only allowed to have 2 children called "Keluarga Berencana" which to me is more like a movement which invites parents or persuading parents to only have 2 children because apparently more than 2 is not a good thing. China also have a one-child policy where parents are only allowed to have one child, even more absurd is that if the parents are to have more children they would have to pay a lot of money for them. However China put the one children policy to relax, so if the mother or the father is the only child in the family; they could have more than one child. Personally if I was a parent, I would want a big family, however I need to think about the future as well. Most Indonesian lower/middle class people have more than 2 children, at this rate we would over-pupulate the country in the near future.
ReplyDeleteIndonesia is one of the biggest country in the world, because of its population that is overload. Why this can happen? It is because most of Indonesian parents have more than three children and unfortunately most of them cannot support in the terms of education and lifestyle because of the limits in their parent’s income. Over population will bring a negative impact in the country, because in Indonesia, people believe that if a child that stays and work in Jakarta is always a succeed person. On the other hand, it will make a decrease in population and unstable of population in Indonesia. Family size of course needs more income to support their family but, Indonesians sometimes didn’t care much about it. They always people that if one family have a lot of child or member in their family they will have more fortune which the reality says that if we have more child we’ll have more spending and outcome.
ReplyDeleteAs the world population is growing ever larger, I suppose we as a species have to cut down on our reproduction rate. One way of doing this is by planning carefully the number of offspring we produce. And this solution will directly affect the size of families. In my opinion an ideal family would be consist of only two children, therefore parents can maximize the care for their children: quality of attention which are given can be more sufficient. In my opinion family sizes in Indonesia will be shrink accordingly, as people are gaining awareness about family planning. The mindset of many children will bring a lot of wealth are disappearing from the mindset of many Indonesian. Currently, people are getting numerous children not because they want more wealth, but because they simply can. Yet, I would predict that in the future Indonesian family size are not getting any larger.
ReplyDeleteWe are overpopulating as the times flies by. In fact, now Indonesia placed 4th in the term of total population. Our government is struggling to control the population growth, but based on the fact, they failed. The KB program is not as effective as they thought to be as a lot of Indonesians are still thinking that if they have a lot of child, their fortune will be much bigger. It is an old way of thinking in my opinion. A lot of poor families in Indonesia have a lot of family members as they’re still stuck in that way of thinking. Instead of having a lot of fortune, their family burden would be much higher, and their expense will be higher too. The perfect family size for me consists of 4 people, one father, one mother, and two kids. Having a lot of siblings is not a good option for me as there will be some troubles in the future because the weak bond of the siblings. I’d prefer to only have one sibling, as we could bond tighter and be bestfriend.
ReplyDeleteI think the best family size is a family that consisted of father, mother, and two children. It is good for overcoming the overpopulation problem for the long-term. If we implement one child only as what China did in the past, the future’s amount of people in that range of age or what we called generation will be tilted. In the other hand, if we implement a program to construct family with four members, the death rate and born rate would be mathematicaly the same resulting in population with 0 in both growth or decreasing rate. It is the best thing to do only IF the nation is reached or near the amount of population that they wanted. If a nation is way too overpopulated or underpopulated, it is better for them to take one child program like China did or more than 2 children program. It is theoretically speaking and only in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteIn the past, families used to own lots of children, some might even have 10 or more children. These might happen due to the lack of awareness of the hardships of raising children and the world are not as highly populated as of today. But, nowadays family sizes are shrinking. In the current era having two children are commonly regarded as an ideal family size. It is now even considered normal for families to only own single children, which used to be rare in the past. As the article suggests, this might happen due to people marrying at a later age and putting off having children. In my opinion, some other reason that caused this phenomenon is the overpopulation happening in major cities across the globe such as Jakarta, Tokyo, New York, Beijing and so on. If the world's population are always increasing from time to time, it will only cause problems for civilization and it will worsen eventually. Other contributing factors might be due to the increasing awareness of the hardships of raising a child. More People might choose to own a single child as they wanted to provide their child with their full attention.
ReplyDeleteThough now people seems to enjoy having less kids, I personally would like to have lots of kids. The reason why is because as a family of five, I often feel lonely. My oldest brother is now working and I rarely met him because he is working in Jakarta while I lived in Bandung at that time. My second brother is studying abroad and I only met him once in a year. Now that I am living in Yogyakarta, my parents must've feel so lonely because now they don't have anyone who they can take care of everyday. I do wish that I have a younger siblings so that my parent wouldn't feel so empty. Luckily, my father works in Jakarta so he's now living with my oldest brother and my mother. My father always asked me when will I went back home eventhough I went back home like almost every month. Maybe because I am the only daughter and I am the youngest in this family so he treated me with extra care.
ReplyDeleteThe perfect family size has been an ongoing discussion for the past few years considering the fact that the population of the world keeps on increasing each year. I believe there is no such thing as the perfect family size because each family has different needs and thus the word ‘perfect’ is subjective – it is different for each family. For example, a family could have four children and they feel perfect and at the same time a family of one child would also feel perfect. People may say that it is not good to only have one child because the child could be too spoiled and create problems such as obesity which is not healthy. On the other hand, a couple might only want one child because they are busy or perhaps their economic condition is not good enough to provide for more than one child. In addition, having only one child helps reduce the number of population. But then again, we cannot conclude that a family with one child is the perfect family size because every family size is perfect in its own ways.
ReplyDeleteA few years back, concept of a family was different. In different cultures, family was considered parents raising their children and all of them living together raising children and grandchildren together. The aunts and uncles were part of families and were significant other. Three generations were considered to be a single family who are living together; but now the concepts of families have totally changed. Your significant others now days are only the parents or your siblings. At a time one or two generations make a family. This change does not vary on a cultural basis but it is seen to be adapted universally. In traditional families, more is talked about bonds and staying together like family as a single unit; but now days more is being focused in individuality; people like to think about themselves first and then about significant others. Individuality has given rise to equality and in case of families all family members must be equal together.
ReplyDeleteThis is a concept, which has been adopted by the modern families where each of the family members has a say in the family decisions and everything is based on equality. This style of family is healthy at one side but it is also has a demerit; this type of families ruin the traditional values which elders kept safe throughout the generations. The respect of elders is becoming less. Parents living together with grandchildren are considered a burden. Whatever the type of family is and in whatever culture or society we reside; but universally a family is where the love and care takes start. After a bad day; when everything comes to an end; you are always looking towards family as a last place of comfort. Families are there to support you and help you without being judgmental, regardless of the role being played by each member of the family in carrying things out within it.
ReplyDeleteThe era is changing and so do the family size. People or family living in the past were identic of having numerous number of children. But as the time keeps ticking forward, the number of children in each family is getting lower and lower. This issue is actually occurring to my family. My mom and dad has six different siblings each; then as I realize, all of them (my parents and all their siblings) are only having kids that is maximum at five or four. Moreover, since some of my niece and nephew are already getting married and have a family, their number of children is maximum at three; even most of them are only having one or two children. So the number of the upcoming generation seems will get smaller and smaller. Well I know it’s good for the number of total population, but I wonder is there any bad affect regarding to that smaller number of generation? I hope I can find the answer.
ReplyDeleteI think there is no exact ideal number of children you should have. I think it depends on the capability of parents to handle their children. It’s always okay to not have children, to have only one child, or to have many children. However, I think people should think carefully about the number of children they want to have. Sometimes, I feel like people treat it as only a number, or like other possessions they have. I think they tend to forget that having children is a serious, life-long commitment. You would be responsible for your children for the rest of your life. And, children aren’t just things that you could abandon or treat recklessly whenever you don’t feel like it, you should always take care of them. You should always remember to provide sufficient care, affection, and educate them carefully. How children become an individual being is hugely affected by how their parents raise them. Therefore, I think people should give more thought about having children, or the number of children they’d like to have.
ReplyDeleteEvery single person has their own thoughts about their effective family size. Some people considered having no kids at all, but on the other side some of them want to have probably more than one. I personally think the most effective family size is the family that has two married couples and two children. I think that this is the most effective because it helps with the financial stability. By having only four members in your family you can have economic stability to provide children with their needs, for example like the needs of education. Having only two children also helps the parents to have stronger bonds with their children because it is easier for the parents to interact with both children and to communicate with them. By having enough attention from their parents, it will be easier for the children to deal with their problems because they can share anything to them.
ReplyDeleteFurthermore, having only two children gives less stress to both parents when they only have to deal with two children rather than having to deal with three or more, especially when they have to deal with troubled kids. It will be really hard and exhausting for most parents to face the job of staying connected with their kids as their kids increasingly focus beyond the family and become teenagers. This stage can also be difficult because parents may feel a new distance separating them from their kids. It can be hurtful when their beloved children suddenly seem to view everything they say is wrong. Additionally, by having only four members in the family, it slows down the population growth in our world as the population growth is highly increasing day by day. I think if most people have only four members in their family, it will help with the rate of population growth.
DeleteFor me, the perfect family size varies, and can be different between people. However, I guess that my family size (a family of five) is a perfect family size. As a child in my family, having 2 sibling is enough for me. I don’t feel lonely at all, and we like to help each other, so in my opinion, having sibling is more beneficial rather than being the only child in the family. But, when I grow up and build my own family, as a parent, I’d like to have 2 children, consisting 1 boy and 1 girl, although the sex of the child cannot be predicted, but I will try to accept it. I don’t like a family size which is too big, for me having to much sibling/children can cause lots of problem. Different from my opinion, I believe that people have many dissimilar argument, sometimes, there are people who like to have only 1 child, sometimes 4, or maybe more. In conclusion, as I stated before, the perfect family size depends on how each of us see it.
ReplyDeleteI come from a family that consists of two siblings; one is me and one is my older sister. Before reading this article, I never knew that back then only children were labelled with such stigma and socially inept and called maladjusted just because they don’t have siblings. The norm now is that families, on average, have one or two children with three at maximum due to the increasing number of populations on earth. Glad to hear that only children are not stigmatized anymore as the society progresses into a modern one and they are given more recognition. However I do have to say being the second child also has its downsides such as often being compared to my sister which is better in some aspects than me and given less items or money when we were in our childhood years. Overall I do also believe that not all only children are socially inept as many are intelligent and achieve a lot academically.
ReplyDeleteWhen talking about how many children should one family have, I would like to point out one thing (especially for Indonesian people), having many children doesn’t guarantee you to have good fortune. People should think carefully when planning on having a child. There are many things to be considered in order to have children. What needs to be changed is the mindset of Indonesian people. Many Indonesians think that the more children that they have means that the more good fortune that is also coming to the family. This kind of thought is what makes the number of populations in Indonesia keeps increasing. It should have been the other way around, that you should consider your savings when thinking on having a child. I’m not saying that I’m against people that have more than three children but as a parent they should provide their children with a decent living facility (school, house, etc) if not then they are not capable enough on managing their family and will only lead to the increasing population of their country.
ReplyDeleteFamily is the most important thing in our life. In the past, family was usually consists of many members for example one family could have up to 10 children. These event occurred because back then, life expectancy is so bad that in the early 1800’s one third of children that were born in Europe would die before the age of 5, it was because health problem was a major back then and there are no vaccine yet so children was vulnerable to get disease or plague. But now, life expectancy is reaching a high ratio and health is no longer a problem so it is understandable that people back then was having a lot of children. In modern days I think the most suitable is when a family consist of four members; parents and two children, because the earth and the natural resources are in a bad level day by day and to sustain 9 billion people or more is unimaginable.
ReplyDeleteThe size of family is up to the family’s decision. If they can afford to raise them properly with care and fair treatment as well as a proper financial and non-financial support, it’s not wrong to raise many children. However, considering the fact that the earth’s now is heavily populated than before, at least we also need to have an awareness regarding the fact that having too many children is not going to be good for the earth in the long run since now, some of the impact we can see already such as the need for reclamation is one of the impact of overpopulation nowadays. As to predict, in the future I think that people will tend to have only a child or even not having kids at all or become a singletons. Since people now are focusing more to their career and as an impact, having kids is not a priority for people nowadays.
ReplyDeleteIn my humble opinion, there is no such a thing as a perfect number of kids. Having only one kid or many, you will always have advantages and disadvantages. An only kid tend to be more egoistic because he gets all the attention from the parents and do not have siblings with whom he can share his things with. From another point of view, having an only kid can be very risky. It can sound pessimistic but if the case something happens to your kid, you will be left alone. Another disadvantage is that the kid will not have anyone to play with and on the case the parents have to work the whole day, the kid might grow up alone. However, this can force the kid to be more extrovert and look for friends on his own. Maybe is because I grow up with a lot of siblings but they are one of the most important things I have in my life. I have learned so much from my oldest siblings and at the same time I am always trying to be a good example for my youngest ones.
ReplyDeleteFamily size always includes you and your children (including unborn children who will be born during the year for which you certify your family size), if the children will receive more than half their support from you. When it comes to the ideal family size, bigger may not be better they said. To me there is no right answer to the question of the best family size. Family sizes in general are becoming smaller over time, but in order for there to be an average some must be bigger and others smaller than it. In Indonesia, it is considered normal to have 3 or even more child. I’m all for the idea that people should only have children if they can afford them as in giving them proper food, healthcare and education. In our country as well as other developed countries has witnessed significant changes in fertility patterns and in family structure, which together combine to impact family size.
ReplyDeleteI grow up in a family that consists of three children. I'm the second child and the only daughter in my family. I never know how it felt to be the only child in the family. In my opinion, I think that being the only child in the family must be lonely because you don't have any siblings. I always play and joke around with my brother everyday. In my opinion, thinking about the size of the family in the future is important. The size of the family will impact your children behavior in their daily life. Since Indonesia is over populated, we really need to take the matter of the size of the family seriously. I think the best condition that will suit in Indonesian family is having maximum two children. By having two children, our children could experience how it feels like to have siblings so they could develop their behavior and they don't feel alone. In the end, the size of the family is important thing to consider especially when you live in the over populated country.
ReplyDeleteStephen Hawking’s statement about humanity’s unlikely survival in the event of overpopulation came up to my mind when I was reading this article ; not just out of pragmatic reasons, but also the probabilities of space colonizations. With the current population of +7 billion humans and counting, Earth is on a certain path to overpopulation. This has been the main theme of many motion picture works and video games, where Earth is portrayed as a dystopian world with rampant unemployment, crime, and cities that were once the jewels of Earth having a humongously sprawling housing units spread all over the city, even occupying the countrysides, due to overpopulation. Conflicts occuring from overpopulation are high on the odds, speaking statistically ; the governments can only sustain a nation’s population at a certain critical point of population density, if it gets beyond that, lands used for maintaining food and other essential resources will have to be sacrificed to accomodate the housing for the population, and shortages will occur.
ReplyDeleteCrisis management in the times of overpopulation can be extremely difficult for both the authorities and the society due to the condition that it is no longer ideas that are being fought for, but resources. There will be some areas that governments no longer have their control on, simply because they cannot sustain the society anymore. The worst case scenario is an escalation of conflict from a civil war from within, or an annexation from foreign nations to acquire resources.
DeleteIt is not the sole duty of a government so solve the overpopulation problems, but also the families, especially, newlyweds who need to carefully plan their family size. With the rate of population growth that is ever changing, families have to consider their size with regard to the housing required for living. The problem nowadays is, especially in Indonesia, there is a “nikah muda” (get married young) movement that encourages couples to get married as soon as possible to avoid adultery. Even though it is noble in its cause, some followers of this movement make no planning at all with neither their marriages, nor with their offsprings. It is time for the people to consider the environment around their family.
Indonesia can be categorized as an over populated country. It is proven that Indonesia is in the 4th position in the most populated country in the world. That is why the Government suggests that a family to have 2 kids. This is to control the growth in our country. I agree to this policy, but I fell that it is not well implemented. I also think that how many kids does a family want is different among various families. What people have to think is how they would handle their family. More children means that you have to devote more time, money, and energy to your family. You would have to divide your time for your work and to raise your child the appropriate way. A child’s first environment is the family, so you would have to raise them carefully. This is why I think that family should think carefully about how many children do they want to have.
ReplyDeleteI personally think that the ideal family size depends on personal preference, their partners preference and their financial capabilities to name a few. I am in a family of five and I think that this number is an acceptable number and nothing too out there. And to be fair there isn't anything wrong for those who prefer to have more or less than 3 children. It all comes down to the ability and willingness of the parents to take care of their children. I believe that as long as the parents have the will to continue to support their children and have the finances to do so, I would think that it would not be an issue. The children should have adequate living conditions and the parents could set that up already by planning well, and so the parents won't be blindsided when the cost of having a child is starting to go beyond what they anticipated.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, there is no such thing as perfect family size. In the past, most parents have a lot of children; in Indonesia, I think that it is not a rare case to find a family of eleven or even twelve. It seems like these parents wanted to create a football team. Well, that’s a bad joke. I suppose that the reason that older generation parent’ wanted to have quite numerous children is because that they believe that more children would bring them more prosperity in the future; but this belief is definitely just a myth. However, in this modern world, I observe that a lot of younger parents prefer to have just two children or even just one. This is probably because these modern generation parents’ have a lot of work to do that will take away their time for work if they have more children to take care of. Other than that, the price of daily needs and babies’ needs that keep on rising might as well be the reason why nowadays, parents avoid having two-digits number of children. In the case of the difference between the character of a child that has brother or sister with a single child in a family though, I believe that developing and taking care of four children in a family would differ from taking care of just a single child; different method will be used. Thus, the building of character would be different.
ReplyDeleteThe thoughts on family size are evolving. In the previous era, people believe that it is best to have as much as children. In some religion, children are blessings and they are believed to be source of fortune. Nowadays, people are more educated and more aware about the real condition around them. This includes the economic and social condition. Overpopulation and economic crisis are considered to be problems in several developing countries. Indonesia is one of the countries that experienced these problems. There are over 200 million people lived in Indonesia and it is unavoidable to claimed that the economic condition in Indonesia is not stable. Due to these reasons, people start to think rationally on deciding their future family size. Some people are prioritizing their careers over their future family and some people believe that their main goal in life is to have an ideal family. In my opinion, people may have different perspective towards the ideal family size but they need to be continuously reminded by their capability to sustain their family needs.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, there is no true definition of the perfect family size. I believe that the perfect family size is the number of family that each family decides to have. So, there is no such thing as the correct perfect family size to answer this article. However, nowadays, I’m aware that most family prefer to have 2 children in their family. Back then, people wanted to have as much children as possible due the old saying “more children, more fortune”. On the other hand, I can’t ignore the fact that people back then and nowadays are very different in terms of their mindset. People nowadays want 2 children because they want each of their children to experience and have the best in everything they do and be provided by everything they ask. From what I’ve been told, when there are lots of children, each child has to look at their younger siblings, educate them, accompany them or so in other words, not much attention is given by the parents. However, if there is only 2 children, each child are given an equal amount of attention and love, hence having the same opportunities in their life.
ReplyDeleteI am agree with your opinion Anfasa. I think that people can not define the perfect family size since it depends on each family situation or condition. As Anfasa has been stated in his comment above, there’s indeed an old saying that said having a lot of children will brings a good fortune / luck to the family, but people nowadays choose to only having one or maybe two children. I think it is not weird that a lot of people wanting to have lesser amount of children these day, since the living cost is increasing and the competition to get a job is more difficult due to the inadequate amount of working places compared with the population growth. Having a lot of children means that you have to spend a more money to fulfil their necessities (such as food, accomodation, clothes, education, etc). You also have to spend more time to interact with them and give them the equal amount of attention such as love and care.
DeleteTo continue my comment above, I think if the parents are mentally and financially able to support a lot of kids, then there will be no problem if you’re having a lot of children. On the other hand, a couple should decide to not having children or maybe having lesser amount of children if their condition is still not adequate enough to support the living cost or attention needs of all members in the family. In my opinion, every parents should discuss this issue before deciding to have children because it is very important and going to affect the family’s future. I think a family can be called ‘perfect sized’ if they can support the burden and fulfil the needs of all members in the family equally. Despite all of the discussions above, I personally think that it is better to get lesser amount of children nowadays because I think the world is already overpopulated.
DeleteTo me, there is no such thing as the ideal size of a perfect family. People have different opinion about the question of the ideal size of a perfect family. Some of my friends say that they want to have two children in the future, some say they want to have three children, and some say they want to have more than three children. I think it is clear that not everyone think that bigger is better but for some people think bigger is better. Having a family means a lot to everyone. It is something we should be grateful for, and family is source of anyone’s happiness. And I think, there is no terms and condition to feel grateful for it. I think children is a grace from god that I should be grateful for. But, if someone asked me how many kids that I want to have in the future, I would say I want to have three children.
ReplyDeleteAs a child of with 3 siblings, I can honestly say 2 kids are the perfect amount and 3 kids are the absolute maximum. Most modern and thriving countries actually have 1 child to counter ovepopulation. Overpopulation causes so many problems. It can make the parents burdened to feed all the children and pay for their children's education, clothes, etc. But, isn't it the right of every family to have as many kids as they want? You could say it like that, but that family will most likely suffer if they are poor or lower class with over 5 children. Hopefully in the future people will realize that 2 kids are enough, honestly the less kids you have, the more love you can give to each of them right? It really is up to each family though, so we need to educate to future parents: us. So would you have 5+ kids?
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ReplyDeleteI was born as the fifth child in my family, currently I am number five out of ten. My parents have six children themselves and later adopted 4 more from all across the globe. To be honest, I don’t think that having nine brothers and sisters is an ideal environment to grow up in. In my opinion my parents did a great and generous job, but I question whether it is a perfect scenario. I think that in the 21st century people don’t have a lot of time and should therefore not have too many children. However, I do believe that the “perfect size” of a family mainly depends on the time that the parents have. The first years of a human life are essential and require a lot of attention and love given by parents. Later on, when the children are older and independent, parents can work on their own career again.
For me the perfect family size consist of two children. Because by having only two children, the population growth will stay the same, it will not increase or decrease. By having a sibling also gives you a lot of benefits, I also came from a family of two children. By having a sibling, you never fell lonely in the family, even until now I still play together with my little brother, even though we are five and a half years apart. Having a lot of children in this modern day, and by a lot, I mean more than two, seems like a burden to me, because raising children is not as easy as in the past. As parents, you need time for your children, and also money to raise your children until your children are grown ups. Because of this, having more than two children will be hard to manage, so in my opinion the pefect family size consist of two children.
ReplyDeleteAs we go further in the digital era, size of family matters. Indonesia is one of the countries that have a program for families to follow, they encourage parents that having 2 kids is enough. This is caused by the increasing number of population that happens in Indonesia. With the population becoming higher, there will be a higher number of unemployment which could lead to poverty. Better to prevent overpopulation before we have the situation same like China. In my high school years, my Chinese teacher once told me that he was told to pay a specified amount of money for having a second child. Turns out, the government of China is limiting every parent to have only one child due to how crowded China is. I personally think that it is necessary for people to follow these programs as oxygen is slowly decreasing and Indonesia is getting more and more crowded each year.
ReplyDeleteThere's really no solid definition of a perfect size family. My dad is the 6th child with ten siblings and I would still call them the perfect family. My mom is the first child with three siblings and they are also what I called a perfect family. Really, it depends on how the parents taught their kids, whether you want only two kids or twelve kids if you think you are capable of raising them, go for it. I think all of us now understands the consequences and obligations for having a kid, even if you only want to have one, it's still a big responsibility for us to have. Raising a child is no easy job, so you must think of it clearly and wisely before taking any actions out of it. Being a parent is not something that you could just taught to or learn to like how we learn to swim or to dance. Every child is different and special in their own way so each of them has their own ways to handle and raise.
ReplyDeleteIn Indonesia, the concept of family size is an issue that is still being discussed. There are many campaigns carried out by the government to form a family of appropriate size, such as the "Family Planning" program. This program advises the community to have children no more than two, so as to maintain the productivity level of a family. The most worrying thing is that Indonesia consists of a large number of people with middle income. But many families have children three to four. As the fourth largest population in the world, Indonesia needs to take steps to prevent over population. The size of a family is responsible for the welfare of the family itself. Forming a family according to the right size will have a positive effect on the family's development. In Indonesia, the concept of “Banyak anak, bank rezeki” has been misunderstood by some parties because having many children will not guarantee the level of welfare if their family position is still in the middle income group.
ReplyDeleteThere is a common stigma where being an only child tends to have a negative stereotype. An only child's mischievous behavior tend to be associated with being their circumstances in being "alone", yet we now know that it is a result of the child's curiosity, regardless of the environment that they live in. Alas, this misconception still exists up until today. The argument stating that a person's success is a factor of their involvement is accurate, early encouragement and support will create a higher chance of success for a child. That being said, not all only child is receiving enough assist from their parents. Usually family's with an only child have two working parents, both mother and father are employed. Hence, it is not entirely correct to assume that an only child will receive a benefit of having a supportive family where his or her parents are not available to give it in the first place.
ReplyDeleteEvery individual has different perceptions of an ideal family size. Some prefers smaller families with two, one or no children at all while some might opt for larger families, raising probably 8 or more children in one household. When it comes to family size, bigger may not be better. A brand new research entitled ‘The Quantity-Quality Trade-off and the Formation of Cognitive and Non-cognitive Skills’, based on 26 years worth of data, conducted and written by three economists, Chinhui Juhn, Yona Rubinstein and C Andrew Zuppann revealed that every additional child born to a family increases their siblings’ chances of developing behavioural issues, lower cognitive abilities and overall, having worse outcomes later in life. While on the other hand, smaller families lead to a greater level of "parental investment" in each child, which was measured by factors such as how often families ate together, how often parents showed affection to their kids and how many books each child had access to. The research also suggests that parental investment helps to determine a child's future level of education, employment status as adults and general status in society. I think that this research is a fascinating food for thoughts as it denies all presumptions that smaller families with an only child is lonely and often makes the child spoilt, instead, it gives enlightment on the real-time benefits of having smaller family units.
ReplyDeleteAbout a hundred years ago, it is totally normal for an Indonesian family to have more than 5 children. My great grandparents had 8 children and it was totally normal considering the time and place they lived in. Back in the day, people believe that there is a positive correlation between number of children and wealth. They believe that having more children leads to more wealth. I personally think that this traditional mindset forgot to take into account that having too much children can be a liability. When parents are unable to
ReplyDeleteStudies showed that when an Individual is born in poverty, there is a very big chance that he or she will remain in poverty. Within the last decade, the Indonesian government has implemented a program called “Keluarga Berencana” encouraging Indonesian families to limit their family size to 2 children. I believe that there is a positive correlation between family size and economic development. The more developed a country’s economy, people are more reluctant to have children. In China, one child policy is already implemented. This policy is implemented with the reasonable argument that smaller families produce children with more human capital. There is a higher tendency for the children to be more taken care of because the family resources is concentrated on fewer offspring. Thus, child in smaller family size is more likely to get more investment especially in terms of health and education.
In my opinion, The size of a family depends on their own family. They can have a lot of kids but the parents need to make sure that they can support their family financially. In Indonesia, there is this thing called Keluarga Berencana. Keluarga Berencana Is a campaign made by the government to convince people that two children is enough because in Indonesia the country is very crowded. In my opinion, this campaign is not necessary. As I have mentioned on my second sentence, their parents need to be able to support their family. There are so many cases in Indonesia where people have a lot of children but since the father are not able to support them, they might have a slight regret in their mind and this is not good because it can cause something like a broken home in their family. Personally, I think that having two children with male and female in it is the most ideal family though. Every person’s opinion varies.
ReplyDeleteI view the perception of having a big family is a bit outdated. The population of the world continues to increase, which already is a bad thing. Another thing is that living cost is also increasing; basic needs are getting more expensive. With more children, it’ll be hard to fulfill the needs and wants of each member of the family. People today think that having one child or not at all are the best choice. Despite this, as someone with sibling, I want my kid to grow up with siblings as well. I think having two children is the perfect family size. The perfect family size really depends on the ability of the parents to fulfill the needs of their children. However, I can also see the reasons why people want to have large families back then. I often hear the saying, as Anfasa already mentioned, “more children, more fortune” With that in mind, parents would want a lot of children to have more fortune.
ReplyDeleteIn Indonesia, the culture about having children in the family between the past and today are totally different. In the past, people said that having a lot of children will make your family wealthier and happier. I don't even know why actually. That is why in the past, married couples tend to have like five children or more. Some of them even had eleven. But, the population of people in Indonesia kept raising because of that belief. Until Indonesia became more and more crowded. After that, in the Soeharto era, government released the KB program, or we often say it Keluarga Berencana. This kind of program help people to control the birthrate of Indonesia. For example, using condom, or maybe KB pill l, and many other more. The government also setted some kind of belief to the society that two kids is much better than many kids. Well, it is true i believe. If you have so many kids, mayhe five or more, it will be hard to take care of them all. We have to spend so much money also to fulfill their needs. For example, like to pay their tuitions, feeds them, buy them this, buy them that. It will be very difficult for normal people, except you are a very rich family that your money will not run out until seven generations. That is a little bit hyperbole i think. But, in my opinion, it is true that you have to be rich if you want to take care a family with many kids.
ReplyDeleteLiving in Indonesia, we probably have realized that people here used to have so many kids in their family. My mom is the second oldest from six children and have many more cousin and siblings. When I was in United States, my host family consist of six children and they still have to take care of me so that’s seven children in total. However, nowadays people started to have a much smaller family, maybe two, three, or even a single children. I don’t think we should classify having many children or not as something normal or not. It is not a problem to have many children or a single children as long as the parent is able to make sure of their future and can take care of them. Let’s admit that having a children is expensive, paying for their food, education, and entertainment can cost a lot. Before deciding how many children, parent should prepare and think about the future, whether they can take care of every spending that is needed for their children.
ReplyDeleteI have a bestfriend that comes from a family of five, with himself as the oldest and the cutest little brother and sister. It was always rowdy in her house in some sort of way, sometimes it would end up with the house being messy, but it was always fun and brought good memories to reminisce about. My personal ideal family size would be five kids. Part of the reason why is because I love kids, but it’s mostly so that they can rely on each other and always have someone to play with. Of course, the family size is different for everyone. Some couples don’t have enough the financial stability to take care too many kids and may end up only having one. Other couples may not decide to have kids to focus on their careers and relationship, which is fine as well. With more kids comes with more responsibility and making sure you have the right resources to give them the love and environment they need to grow.
ReplyDeleteFamily is a building block of a society, family is the place where the process of primary socialisation where it is a very crucial moment that shape someone’s values in the future. But every individual have a different perspectives when it comes to family, because establishing a family requires a lot of time, effort and also capital investment. Establishing a family also meaning establishing a stable emotional relationship between family members and that is exactly what millennial generation lacking, a skill to establish a meaningful relationship. So in my opinion, the family size in the future will be smaller and getting more to nuclear family structure because it is a small and simple family structure consists of mom, dad and one or two children. This family structure fit the characteristics of the millennials where it is not complicated to maintain, yet it still can provide them with emotional support from other family members. Or the extreme case is that family eventually will cease to exist because the millennials will think its just a source of problem and they might think that it is just making a separator between them and their career or jobs.
ReplyDeleteI’m currently in a family of four, consisting both of parents and an older brother and I like it! Both of parents seems to manage us pretty well emotionally, physically, and financially, though they both still need to work all week to do that. I never felt like they gave my brother more/less the care that they gave me: it felt fair. And I think that’s the important factor to determined the ideal size of family.
ReplyDeleteI don’t think there’s a right answer to which size of a family is best, which number of children is the answer to happiness, I think it depends on one thing: the resource that parents have. If the parents don’t have to work anymore because they have comforting income, and can spend their days at ease, a big family is a concept that doesn’t seem so far off. While a low income couple will probably need to really make sure that they are able to support a child’s life, so a one child or a no child family is what suites them the best.
Having a big family would be such a burden. Remember when we went to Superindo and we saw the prices of baby’s milk almost reach Rp 300,000? That’s crazy! Can you imagine raising more than 10 children today? How much money you should prepare for your family needs? I do think that the prices will go higher and higher, and that affects the number of children in a family.
ReplyDeletePlus the education fee! Most of the state-owned schools are free, however the degree of competitiveness is very high. While for national plus or private owned schools they charge very high prices. Right now, my parents should pay around Rp 3,750,000 per month only for my sister’s school fee. And that’s very expensive! I wonder in the future when we have our own children, how much milk costs and the fee of education? I’m sure it’ll be more expensive than now! No wonder family size is decreasing today.
Everyone’s got their own preference of their ideal family size. I guess modern people modern (who most likely lives in bigger cities) tend to lean towards the smaller pack. They realize that the size of the world doesn’t evolve bigger, the space for humans to live don’t get larger than it is now. And the fact that Indonesia is already the fourth most populated country in the world, may be there to fully considerate populating the country with your future kids. Meanwhile people who still upholds the ‘more kids = more fortune’ lack understanding of the issues that may arise from the bigger picture. The fee to feed their children may not be equivalent to the income they earn. Hence, more children may cause financial burden to the family. I once learnt in high school that an overpopulated country may just be a huge factor for a country to disintegrate. Since overpopulation may led up to more problems like health issues, poverty, criminality and so on. So i guess the best principle for a family size in Indonesia is "Less is more".
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ReplyDeleteBeing able to have children of your own is definitely a blessing. The infamous saying “Dua Anak Lebih Baik” is heavily promoted here in Indonesia which has the meaning that having two kids is better. There is also this saying “Banyak Anak, Banyak Rezeki” which means the more children you’ll have, the more wealthier you’ll become. My family is a family of four which means my family fits the first saying I stated. In the article it was mentioned that having an only child is getting more attention than before, in my opinion I wouldn’t want to have only one child because I am scared that I’ll end up spoiling them or they’ll end up feeling lonely because they don’t have any siblings. Personally, I would want to have either two or three children. With the whole “Dua Anak Lebih Baik” or “Banyak Anak, Banyak Rezeki”, I don’t know if I agree with those sayings or not since every family is different with handling the amount of children they have.